


Fix It

by its_amboo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Comfort, Conflict, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Light Angst, My First Work in This Fandom, Slow Burn, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:20:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25425295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_amboo/pseuds/its_amboo
Summary: As a technician for the first order, I'm well aware of Kylo Ren and his temper tantrums. His most recent outburst has caused a lot of damage to Hux's quarters and of course I'm the one tasked to fix it.My first ao3 fanfic, starts off slow but picks up in plot :)
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Original Female Character(s), Armitage Hux/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 71





	1. Anger in its purest form

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! :) Not only is this my first star wars story, but it's actually my first ao3 story altogether! I dabbled in wattpad for a bit but this site is pretty new to me haha.

I wake from my sleep, already tired and desperate to close my eyes again. It's feverishly cold in my room and I'm provoked into sitting up and pulling my blanket right up to my chin. I blink a few times to clear the sleep from my eyes and survey the room before me. The entire room is grey and black, oddly metallic despite the lack of it actually present. The space breathes hostility, cold, foreboding and while the room is small, the emptiness makes it feel hollow and far too big. I swing my legs over the bed and wince at the sharp icy touch of the ground below me. I manage to force myself out of bed anyway, braving the temperature through my thin standard-issue pajamas.

It's only been a few months and I'm still adjusting to life aboard the ship. The filtered air is still somewhat stifling compared to the fresh breezes I was used to, and I always struggle to keep down the sludge they call food in the canteen. Others are accustomed to it, they walk down the corridors without questioning their stride while I still forget my place and end up running when I've clearly been told to walk multiple times. It's a good job I'm yet to fall victim to my superiors, I can only imagine what they'd say, or do for that matter.

Carefully, I dress, hissing at just how cold it was. I wished they gave us roommates, at least I'd have some company whilst freezing in my room. But no, I go back alone each evening and try to stop my teeth from chattering for fear that they'll shatter. I should really sort it out, but at least the uniform is warmer. It's a scratchy material, hovering between comfortably thick and almost too thin, but it's infinitely better than the pajamas. I can't really see the deep navy blue in the darkness, it looks as black and shadowy as the rest of the room; I fasten the belt around my waist and pull on my boots. Grabbing my bag, I hold it by the strap, yet to place it over my shoulder. I cast around at the room again, how lonely it is, frozen and lacking any humanity aside from me and the few items I keep in there. It must be ten times worse to live in the big quarters like the superiors do; to have several rooms to fill, not just the living space and the refresher. I almost feel bad, but then I remember they're actually allowed furniture and decor so I do envy them slightly. There's a plant in the refresher that I watered daily at first, I was so glad to have something to look after. Unfortunately, it's actually fake which made my care pointless. I still like it though, it's the only colour in the room.

The canteen is almost full when I arrive, technicians like myself, storm troopers, lieutenants, all of them crowded together along the bench-like tables made from white, clinical plastic. I take a tray an pick out the most appealing looking slime from the selection before looking for a seat. Meals, while welcome, aren't my favourite time of day; I suppose I am used to be alone, so the huge public spaces are actually the most unusual spots. Not even the long stretches of hallways are this busy and I struggle to eat comfortably surrounded by so many strangers. I find a spot in the corner and head to it before I hear somebody call my name,

"Y/N!"

I turn to look and see Michella, she's waving at me which causes some people to turn and look my way. I hurry over and sit at the empty spot beside her. She's the only other female technician I'm yet to meet and she's far too happy for such a depressing environment. I suppose she's my friend, or rather she's the next best thing- something more acquaintance but nothing more than that. She's smiles at me and I realise I'm yet to say anything,

"Sorry, I didn't see you in here, I would've come and sat with you." That's a lie.

"Don't worry about it," She leans over to whisper in my ear, her words safe from anyone around us, "Have you seen the General today?"

"No," I reply in an equally quiet tone,

"Be careful if you run into him, he's apparently even more angry than usual."

I didn't know that was possible, my eyes widen slightly, "Really, why?"

"Kylo Ren was in another one of his moods, he's completely wrecked Hux's quarters. He's furious."

"Oh..." I look around, neither the General or Ren are in the canteen, which doesn't surprise me, "How'd you know that?"

"I heard some troopers talking about it, Hux lashed out at one of them for nothing."

I don't say anything, I've seen the General a handful of times, just passing by or commanding a group of troopers nearby while I work, but I've never spoken to him personally. Of course, he's nowhere near as threatening as Kylo Ren, but I fear Hux a lot, his pale complexion makes him seem ghostly and his composure doesn't seem human. He's as fierce and terrifying as any other aboard and I silently wish not to see him when he's angry.

"So, Y/N, what have you got today?" Michella changes the subject.

"I haven't checked," I pull out my datapad which displays all of my jobs for the day, "Shower duty. Great. Why do I always get shower duty?"

"Don't worry, that's all I got for like a year, you get used to it."

I stare at the screen, while Michella is as kind as they come, she's a lot more experienced than me and being reminded of that stings just a little. I'm fully qualified to fix anything, from showers to even ships in some cases, but I'm yet to even touch one of the TIE fighters.

~~~~~~~~~

My feet fall into line with all of the others in the hallway, I try not to speed up even though I really want to get the shower fixed so I can move on to my next job, which means I'm closer to being finished for the day. I turn a corner and head for the shower block, the male shower block might I add. Of course, with a technician in there, they'll be no showers permitted, but still. A male technician should probably handle the male showers, right? It doesn't seem fair to load all the simple, menial tasks on me.

I stand before the broken shower in question and twist the handle, nothing. I turn of the water, reach up and remove the shower head, the thing practically falls into my hand with how poorly it's screwed on. The head is fine, but what it's connected to is not. Someone clearly forgot how to twist the shower head on properly and they'd twisted the metal tube instead. Badly too, it looks like a spring. Well, I can fix that.

While I'm working, I hear heavy, calculated footfalls enter the room. I turn to see General Hux stood just beside me,

"General! I was told nobody was to use the showers while I'm working,"

"I'm not here to shower, miss, I couldn't anyway, that ones my favourite." He's deadly serious, the anger radiating off of him hits me in thick waves and I try to continue working.

"You're favourite, sir? Do you not get to shower in your quarters?"

"No, I have a bath but I prefer the shower, especially this one." He pauses and steps closer, leaning over to survey the damage. He tuts, "That'll be Ren, he always forgets to turn it the right way."

I smile at that, which causes Hux to frown further,

"What's funny?" He scowls down at me,

"Nothing sir, it just reminded me of what I heard this morning." Should I have said that? I tense up, awaiting some sort of scolding.

"About what Ren did to my quarters? News travels fast." He looks displeased, but the anger bubbling away was yet to show itself. He continues to watch me in silence, studying the way I move like a hawk rather than a person. I'm not completely comfortable with him there, his presence off-putting slightly, tense and strict in every sense of the word. I feel my face heat up from him watching me, his eyes scrutinizing in a way I didn't think possible.

I finish what I'm doing and replace the shower head, the General steps back so I can test it. It works which pleases both me and him.  
"All fixed sir," I look up at him.

"Yes. Say, what's your name miss?"

"Y/N, L/N, sir."

"How long have you been working here?"

"A few months now sir." I worry about what he's going to say next.

"What can you fix then, Miss L/N? Just showers?" His smile borders on taunting.

"No, sir. I can fix anything, sir."

"I admire the confidence. Follow me."

I do, walking a few paces behind him as he leads me down yet more hallways. He swipes a card at a door and gestures for me to follow him inside. It's his living quarters, grand and luxurious. The door opens into an open-plan living/kitchen/dining space and all of it breathes power. It's dark like my room, but the orange glow from the lamps is comforting against the greys and blacks. Off from the open space is a small hall that supposedly leads to his bedroom and his refresher, which I now know has a bath in it. What I would give for a bath! I step inside further, my hand rests on the cool counter top of the kitchen. The whole room smells like him only stronger, a spiced, minty smell that is almost visible in the low lamp-light.

One I thing I notice, however, is the place is wrecked. While the sense of grandeur is still strong, the place is destroyed. The counters are in pieces, the sofas are upturned and removed of most of the stuffing. The fridge is on the other end of the room, hanging open and sparking dangerously. Hux sighs from behind me.

"Can you see what he did? That monster has destroyed my quarters! Do you know why?"

"No, sir. Why?"

"Because he was upset, that's why! No real, discernible reason, just because he was having a bad day!" He's very dramatic, he goes over the the black sofas and huffs greatly. From somewhere comes the strange pattering of feet. Hux smiles, bending down as a cat walks out from the hall. It's as fiery as his hair and utterly gorgeous! I watch as he collects the cat up in his arms and strokes her silky, well groomed fur.

"You have a cat?" I can't stop myself from asking, the General seems like the last person to be attached to animals, well, after Ren.

"Yes I do, her name's Millicent." He makes no attempt to walk over and show her to me, so I approach them. He stops stroking so she can turn her head to face me.

"She's beautiful, sir." I reach out a hand but he quickly stoops down to let her jump from his arms to the floor. Millicent meows softly and rubs against my leg, I reach down and manage to graze my fingers along her back for just a moment.

"Thank you." The General straightens his posture, "But I didn't bring you here for that, I wanted to ask you something, come through." He takes me down the hall, two open doors cast light into it. We enter the bathroom, which makes me look up at him, puzzled.

"What do you want sir?" I ask,

"Can you fix this?" He says, his arm casting around, "What Ren has done, can you fix it?"

"I..I.. er.."

"Come on, it's a perfectly simple question! You seem confident enough, Y/N!" The way he says my name makes me still, I'm a little nervous, standing before such a powerful man, but I nod.

"Yes sir."

Hux smiles, less menacingly than last time, "Good. Be here tomorrow at 8 o'clock sharp. I'll see to it that all your usual jobs are covered. You're dismissed."

"Yes sir."


	2. Taste of leather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first bit of conflict, turns out questioning the General isn't the best idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! What is this? An update the day after? I promise I won't keep this up haha... By the way, I'm open to feedback if you have any! Especially suggestions for what tags I should put, I'm sure I could do with some more :)

As I pick up the pile of books off the floor and replace them onto the now-fixed shelf, I realise something. This seems a lot more like cleaning than actual technician work. I could be working on a ship right now, and while this is still better than fixing showers, I feel like my talents are being wasted. I bite my tongue, not wanting to say anything aloud in case he's secretly watching me through a camera or something, which wouldn't surprise me.

Hux had left shortly after my arrival, leaving me with a toolkit and Millicent for company. She was lovely, friendly and reserved, but not much good for conversation. I did talk to myself, though, muttering under my breath as I try to replace the sofas to where they were supposed to go. I could lift a drill, sure, but a whole, L shaped sofa was a little much. My arms give way with exhaustion and it slips from my grasp, slamming on the floor a few centimetres from where I had picked it up. I groan and turn to Millicent who was licking her paw and ignoring me. Surely there's other people who could do this?

The General did both scare and confuse me, but when he came back with his hair ruined and face red, I had to stop myself from staring for too long, or laughing for that matter. Where had be been? He comes and stands before me, looking at the little progress I had made,

"Miss L/N?"

"Yes General?" I hesitate before meeting his glare,

"I thought I asked you to put the sofas back?" It sounded like a question, but his tone was threatening.

"Yes sir, you did. But I.." I felt embarrassed.

"Speak up!"

"I can't lift them sir! They're too heavy." My face grows hot with shame, but to my surprise Hux actually moves to grab one end of the sofa,

"Help me lift it then!" He snaps, scowling at me from across it. I do and together we put it back. Then he helps me lift the other two-seater without a word. I suppose it was kindness, but it worried me. He regained his posture and walked into the bedroom before returning with a stack of papers and his datapad. He places them on the coffee table (which was missing a leg) and sighs.

"Carry on then." He doesn't look at me,

"Yes sir." I do, turning my back to him and kneeling down to collect the rest of his books to put on the shelf, almost having to jump to reach it. Hux tuts at that. I felt somewhat frustrated by his presence, he silenced me whenever I spoke to myself and Millicent was much more interested in him than me. I clench and unclench my fists in an attempt to reign in my anger.

_Remember who you're talking to._

I'm not going to snap at the General. I'm not going to snap at the General.

"Sir?" I couldn't stop myself,

"Yes?" He raises an eyebrow

"Are you alright?" Good, normal conversation. I'm not going to snap at the General.

"Alright?" He sets down the datapad and turns his entire body to face me

"It's just, you look a little different than you did this morning, sir. A little distressed, if you don't mind me saying." 

He sighs again, "I'm fine, L/N. Ren just has a nasty habit of force-choking me." He slicks his hair back in place. I nod.

"Ok then sir..."

"What's wrong?" He narrows his eyes at me

"Wrong sir?"

"You want to say something, don't you? Then say it." He seems angry, but I'm sure if I speak I'll only make it worse. "Well?"

_Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say-_

"It's just... Couldn't someone else clean your quarters? I'm a technician not a maid." Great. Hux stands, almost marching over to where I'm nervously stood. He looms over me, terrifying and intimidating.

"Are you questioning me, L/N? Your superior?"

"No, no."

"No what?"

"No sir." My voice is a whisper compared to his increased volume and venomous tone. He pauses, and I think I've gotten away with it when he smiles.

"Do I scare you, Miss L/N?" 

I don't speak, the General slaps the right side of my face. Hard. The leather is a foreign feel and cold against my cheek. Before I can even raise a hand to rub the sore skin, he leans down, close to my face.

"Do I intimidate you?" He slaps the other cheek, both of them turn red and blotchy, the pain is sharp and stinging, but it's an afterthought. My brain is occupied with something else. I stare into his eyes, sparkling and shining compared to rest of his face. They remind me of crystals in a pale slab of rock, they're breathtaking. So human and lively. Hux huffs before returning to his full height. "Miss L/N. You will answer me."

"Yes sir. You do scare me sir." I switch between rubbing my left cheek and my right, still watching his eyes curiously. They look out of place. He smiles again, almost warmly. 

"I thought so." He sits down again and ignores me. What was that? For fun? I sigh as quietly as possible. He doesn't say anything, just smiles. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I carry on cleaning, occasionally pausing to watch him while he works, his legs spread slightly so he can lean down between them and flick through papers. He's still perfectly composed, not allowing himself to slouch or relax even slightly. Is it because I'm here? I wouldn't mind, or tell anyone if that's what he's scared of. He does remove his greatcoat, folding it neatly beside him. Millicent jumps up and lays on top of it, which makes me laugh.

"Something funny?" He turns his head so he's viewing me sideways. 

"Sorry sir, I wasn't laughing at you."

"Remember who I am, Miss." He picks up Millicent and places her gently on the floor. She immediately jumps back up, which makes me giggle. Hux smiles down at the cat and then at me, "I see, that's whats funny," 

"Yes sir, I'll stop sir."

"It's fine." His smile doesn't fade. I rub my cheek again, the man certainly gets over things quickly. 


	3. Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The work continues and secrets are revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I really hope you're enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writing it :D This chapter is a little longer but I'm not sure if that'll carry through.

General Hux was a strange man. He often stayed in his room while he worked, poised at his desk, writing, typing, scowling at me when I stopped and stared for too long. It didn't even seem fair to call that his bedroom, it was much more like an office that had a bed in it, not like he ever used it. Sometimes, he would come and sit in the living room to watch me, silently of course, never stopping for conversation or to relax. He still wore his uniform, occasionally removing his great coat but never going so far as to removing his boots. He was collected at all moments while I worked tirelessly to restore the former perfection of his quarters.

Once, when I worked in his bathroom, he stood in the doorway the entire time. Never speaking or asking questions, just standing there, shoulder against the door-frame, watching. I think he liked keeping an eye on me, not like I needed it. After what happened on the first day, I never risked asking why he felt the need to loom over me. Maybe it was an intimidation technique, he knew I feared him, everyone did. He probably likes making me uncomfortable. 

There was one time that I made him uncomfortable, however, and it was completely on accident. I had arrived at his door a little earlier than usual and after waiting for several minutes, he opened the door, only he looked different. He was fully dressed, including the greatcoat he would remove shortly afterwards, but his hair was still untouched. It wasn't messy or unruly or wrong, it was perfectly natural. It fell in the most normal, human way, which was somehow enough to make stop and marvel at it, I was convinced his hair was always neat unless Ren had attacked him, but no. He was clearly nervous about it, and soon hurried into his refresher to slick it back, which made me sad. I had liked the way it looked, and I'd already seen it so there was no point hiding it. I wanted to ask him to leave it, just for one day, but I didn't, afraid of what he might say. 

Yes, General Hux was probably a little strange, but he was friendly enough. Every morning he asked how I'd slept, how I was feeling, whether I needed anything. There was never many words exchanged, but it was nice to know he was almost interested in my life. But that was really it. He would sometimes talk to Millicent when he thought I couldn't hear him, and that was sweet. He spoke to the cat differently, without restraint and without his commanding tone, it was like he was two different people. 

While there were never many words spoken, he had this kind habit that I only wish I could ask him about. He made me tea. He never asked if I wanted some, but whenever he made himself some, there would always be another cup sat there for me. And I didn't mean he made enough in case I happened to want any, he actually poured it himself, added the perfect amount of milk and sugar and left it there for me. Like a gentle reminder that he wasn't a complete monster, like the side he showed Millicent was peering out to say hello. I never spoke of it, just took the cup and drank it quickly, he watched me drink it too, to make sure it was alright. And it always was, it was perfect every time, but he still checked. I tried thanking him once, but he had pretended not to hear and left to sit at his desk instead of watching me from the sofa.

It was a silent, but kind sort of relationship, if you could even call it that. I would work, he would watch and he would silently make tea for me. I didn't mind the lack of talking, his voice never quite matched his actions. When he spoke, he spoke as if he was giving me orders when he was only asking if I had slept well or not. It was so unsettling, hearing polite words from such a demanding voice, I could only imagine what he would sound like trying to ask me if I liked the tea he made instead of just watching from across the room. Maybe the silent treatment was the nicer option. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today had started like any other. I had eaten breakfast and hurried along the cold, deathly silent halls to Hux's quarters. When I knocked, he opened the door like any other day,

"Miss L/N, I'm afraid I've got a meeting, I trust you'll be ok on your own?"

"Yes General, what time will you be back?"

"I should be back before your shift is up, if I'm not, wait." There it was, the harshness in his voice, I didn't mind it, but it always felt off to me, forced even. Especially when I found tea already made for me on the counter after he had left.

Nevertheless, I started working. I could do things without his supervision, I had done so on the first day. But I had grown to ignore the stares and prolonged eye contact that he made, I didn't mind the sound of his breathing behind me. His presence had made me feel less lonely, and while he was relatively quiet, the absolute silence without him was almost suffocating. Millicent helped, but the heavy footfalls of his boots had left a gap in the space around me. 

_Come on, he's not dead. Stop acting like you can't function without him._

I shook my head and carried on, like I said, he's probably got cameras anyway so he can still see me. I wanted to finish the refresher today, get ahead of schedule so I could go back to working normally, maybe I could get Hux to put in a good word so I could finally start working on the ships! I kept that thought in my head as I bent down in order to reach under the sink, Ren might be all brawn and no brains, but he certainly knew how to cause as much damage as possible. Almost admirable, really. 

The day dragged on, and with no one around, I decided to take a break. Hux wouldn't mind, his tea breaks took up a good amount of time on their own. I stretched out on the sofa and yawned, I didn't get much sleep last night. I glanced at the time on my datapad, I was almost half-way through my shift, the perfect time to stop for a minute and relax. The first order might only supply technicians with the bare minimum, but no expense had been spared for the General, the sofa was so much comfier than my bed. Speaking of beds, I thought, getting up and wandering into his room, I bet his is brilliant. He would never know, would he? If I made sure to straighten it afterwards, he wouldn't know if I just tried it, would he? There's no way he'd put cameras in his own bedroom, especially since I hadn't needed to go in. Even Ren had some remnants of control because the General's bed and desk were untouched.

I climbed onto the bed and sighed, it was perfect. I could almost go to sleep, but I tried to wake myself up. If he came back and saw me, I'd be in deep, deep trouble. I tried to listen for any sign of his return, but there was nothing. I could shut my eyes for just a moment, couldn't I?

~~~~~~~~~~

No I couldn't. No I couldn't. What had meant to be a short break had lasted a lot longer than I thought, and I awoke to the sound of the door opening and the General calling for me.

"Miss L/N? Miss L/N?" He didn't sound angry, more concerned. I jumped out of his bed and straightened the wrinkles in the sheet from where I had laid. I thought of what to say to him, when I heard the ominous sound of his steps. I lied, I didn't miss that sound at all, especially given the circumstances. I turned and looked to his desk, searching for a reason as to why I was in his room. I grabbed a stack of papers, scanning them I saw a long list of numbers, letters and a few drawings I was too panicked to understand. It was a letter, I could make out that much. 

'Dear Armitage Hux,'

Armitage? Was that his first name? I feel my face heat up, I had always wondered, and now I knew. 

"Miss L/N? What are you doing in here?" His tone was back to demanding,

"S-Somebody just dropped these off for you, sir," I tried to keep my voice steady, "I thought I should put them in here." 

He takes the papers from me sharply and scans over them, "Who delivered these?"

"I'm afraid I don't know sir, I didn't catch their name."

"Hmm" He flips through them, I silently prayed he didn't realise that they were already on his desk, "What did they say about them?"

I clear my throat, "They said 'please make sure Armitage Hux gets these immediately'." 

Hux turns red. Oh. 

"Armitage?"

"Yes sir, that's what they said." I feel myself start to sweat, he pauses

"Nobody delivered these, did they?"

"No sir, I lied."

"You lied to your General, Miss L/N?" He sounds like he's teasing me, taunting me. 

"Yes sir." I'm properly panicking now, my hands slick and trembling slightly as he slams the pile back onto his desk

"Do you take me for an idiot? Did you think I wouldn't notice papers that I'd already read?" His face is red, his hands clench around the paper, screwing it up in his fists. If I thought he was angry last time, this is nothing. He looks like he's going to explode. 

I shake my head.

"And now, you have not only lied, but you've read classified information and you now know my first name!" He raises his voice towards the end, but I didn't think he would care so much about his name, "Do you know who calls me by that name?"

I shake my head again

"Nobody, not if they can help it. That name is not for you to know or say, understand?" His hands shoot out to grab me, but I flinch and evade them.

Terrified of his power, I don't speak, he's stood by his desk, leaving the door to his bedroom open. Naturally, I do what every sane person would do and sprint for the exit, my tools and bag are left behind as I throw open the door and run full-speed down the corridor. I don't care if that isn't allowed, I've just made the General so angry he looks like he might kill me, who cares if I'm running. Anyone would be running, especially when the nerve-wracking sound of his boots slamming against the floor as he chases is growing louder by the second.

Where could I go? My room? No, he'd easily find me there. The canteen? No, there's no where to hide there either! I turn a corner out of instinct and spot the shower block up ahead, surely he wouldn't follow me in there? I could wait it out, hide in there until he tires or gives in. I nearly slip on the wet tiles underfoot, but I'm relieved to see no one else in there. I find the furthest corner and curl up into it, waiting for him. 

"Miss L/N! Come out at once!" He's furious, I can hear it, his voice shakes with anger. "Miss L/N, I advise you to come out of there before I'm forced to go in and get you." 

He wouldn't. Would he? He'd have no way of knowing whether there's anyone showering!

"Miss L/N, I know you're alone in there, there's no water running." Oh. He takes a few steps in and looks around. When his eyes meet mine, I cower.

"Sir, please don't kill me! I didn't read the papers, honest! I just had time to read your name before you came in!" I hold out my hands to stop him from coming any closer. He kneels and leans in,

"But you were going to read them?" There's poison in his voice,

"No, no sir! I had no intention of reading them! I just needed to have a reason to be in your room when you came back!" I'm crying, hot tears that slip through my grasp as I try desperately to blink them away. 

"Don't cry, Miss L/N. Tell me, why _were_ you in my room?"

"I fell asleep sir," I mumble it quietly, but he hears me,

"Fell asleep?"

"Yes sir, I just wanted to try out your bed and I fell asleep. When you came back I... I panicked!" I hug my knees and hide my face in my chest. Hux places a hand on my arm,

"Are you lying to me, Miss L/N?" The colour starts to fade from his cheeks,

"No sir, I'm telling the truth." I look up at him as he stands, offering his hand to me. 

"Very well, but I'll need to check to make sure. Come with me." 

"Yes sir." 

He helps me to stand and offers me a hankerchief to dry my eyes before leading me back outside,

"Where are we going, sir?"

"To see Kylo Ren." 


	4. Lack of oxygen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren isn't pleased with either Hux or me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! No spoilers, but I really enjoyed writing this! Hope you all like it! :D Also thanks for 100+ 'hits' on this story, I only started writing this for a bit of fun but it's done far better than expected, so thanks so much for that :)

Kylo Ren would always be scarier than Hux. Even when he was walking beside me, heat radiating off of his body, I feared meeting Kylo more than him. Hux was still human, I could see that in his pale features, but Ren... Ren was faceless, machine-like and monstrous compared to Hux's greatcoat and fiery hair. I kept my eyes on him as we walked, terrified of what he was going to do to me. I'd heard rumours of what Hux and Ren did to those who disobeyed them and it was worse than death. Death was quick, easy and kind compared to what I'd heard. 

Hux didn't speak, he didn't even look at me, eyes trained ahead as we turned a corner and he knocked quickly on a door. A whooshing noise follows and the door opens. He steps in first, hiding me behind him. I can't see in front of me, but I can tell we're in some sort of quarters, Kylo's presumably. I hear heavy footsteps, heavier than the General's and a modified voice.

"What do you want?"

"I need your skills, I have someone who needs interrogating."

A beat of silence, 

"Why?"

"She's suspected of treason." 

I lower my head, despite the fact neither men can see me. Treason was a strong word, but it caught the attention of the Supreme Leader. Kylo steps closer and sighs through the mask.

"Go and get her." 

Hux steps aside to let me come before the man. He's tall, wide and entirely composed of black and silver. A shadow. His lightsaber hilt glints in the light and I freeze, keeping my eyes down respectfully, 

"Treason is it?"

"Yes commander," I can barely get the words out. Kylo steps even closer and I feel like I'm being swallowed. He leans over me, lifting my chin with a hand. I can hear him breathing. 

"What did you do exactly?" It was addressed to me, but Hux speaks first,

"She was reading some classified papers on my desk, she could have found anything and used it against u-"

"Silence!" Kylo commands, Hux stops talking. He tilts his head at me, "What did you do?"

"Nothing sir! I was in Hux's room when I shouldn't have been and was looking for an excuse! I didn't read them! I would never!" I want to fall to my knees and beg, but the grip Kylo has on my jaw keeps me steady. I can almost feel him smile, but his mask doesn't change. 

"Very well, one of you must be lying." He stands and pulls over a chair, "Sit."

I do, leaning back as he places a large hand on my chest to push me, 

"You're nervous." He states

"Yes commander." I'm more than nervous. I'm frightened beyond comprehension.

Kylo removes the hand from my chest and crouches down beside me, leaning in, his close proximity makes me sweat. He lifts a hand and a pain wracks my brain. Like a drill had been let loose inside, like somebody was crushing my skull, like I had every headache all at once. I cry out, which makes Hux stare at me, eyes wide with shock. Had he never seen this? I don't get to think about that before I scream again, trying desperately to pull away from the pain searing inside of me. Images of what had occurred minutes ago resurface and I try to force them away. I'm going to die. I'm definitely going to die. Right here, right now. 

And then it stops.

Ren stands, drops his hand back to his side and I breathe for what feels like the first time. It's over. I'm not dead. I sit up, panting with shock and look to Hux, and then back to Kylo. My vision is blurred but I make out the vague shape of Ren approaching the General.

"You brought her here for nothing!" He yells, Hux steps back,

"How was I supposed to know if she was lying!?" He gestures to me. My body feels limp. 

Kylo grabs Hux by the neck, lifting him off the ground. "She fell asleep! You brought her here for that?!" He must have a tight grip as Hux can barely respond.

"I.. I thought..." He chokes, his face turning red with effort. He thrashes his head side to side in an attempt to escape, ruining his hair.

"She fell asleep!" He tosses Hux effortlessly into the wall where he crashes and falls to the floor, swallowing air like a fish out of water. Kylo starts walking to him again, anger starts shaking inside of me. This isn't fair! This isn't right!

"Stop!" I cry out before I can stop myself, "Leave him alone!" I stand with some effort and stumble over to Ren.

"Or what, girl?"

"Just leave him alone! This is my fault, not his!" I reach out my hands and push against the mass of robes before me. Hux croaks out my name. Ren grabs my wrist pulling me against him.

"Enough! I will not tolerate this!" He tightens his grip. I pull away but to no avail. There's a red glow from beside him and the unmistakable crackle of a lightsaber. 

"Please, please don't!" I beg, hearing the weak calls of Hux as he continues to lay helpless on the floor. Kylo is choking him again, using the force to cut off his airway as Hux claws at his own neck. 

"Pathetic." Says Ren, he lets me go, I fall to the floor. He raises his saber, slicing the air with it, "I will not waste my time on you. I'm going, be out of my quarters before I get back." He puts away the hot, red flame and leaves in one swift movement. Hux starts breathing again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I scramble over to his limp form and pull him up so he can kneel. Swiftly I pull at his collar to try and loosen it. His face is almost purple, his hair in more disarray than it had been last time and his entire body is shaking. I hold his shoulders and stare at him,

"General?"

"Miss L/N, you shouldn't have done that." He cracks a smile

"He would've killed you!" I protest, sliding my hands down to hold his wrists, "General.."

"You just saved me, called me Armitage." He pauses, "But only when we're alone."

"Yes Armitage." The name feels foreign on my tongue, wrong, like a swear. 

His face pales slightly, returning somewhat to it's usual colour. He removes his wrists from my hold and takes my right hand, lifting it up for both of us to see. The leather felt comforting as he pressed our palms together. I flush, his hands were so big that he could curl his fingertips over mine, which he does. He's gentle, shifting his hand so his fingers can interlock with mine, his fingers thread through perfectly, resting on the back of my hand. I copy him cautiously, afraid of the gesture. My face is hot, my body is still weak from the pain and my mind in spinning. It feels so wrong, but undeniably perfect at the same time. We kneel there for a moment, holding hands in silence, surrounded by the hostility of Ren's quarters, before he finally speaks,

"Thank you," His voice is still slightly hoarse, "You should go now, and mind you don't run into him again." 

He pulls his hand away and I drop my gaze, standing.

"I'll see you tomorrow then Armitage," I say quietly, before walking to the door, closing it behind me like Ren had done. 

I wait until I'm in the hall before pressing the hand he had held to my chest. I could feel my heart pounding. My palms were slick but I didn't want to wipe them from fear of erasing his touch. His scent lingers around me, the freshness and the spice mixed with his panicked sweat- intoxicating and rich. I hurry back to my room, border-line running as I force my legs to carry on despite how weak they feel. People must have been watching me, and while that made me embarrassed, it didn't make me stop. My eyes were glazed and my vision was blurred, but I ignored that, continuing to hurry along until I finally reached the solace of my cold, empty room. 

The door closes behind me and I fall to my knees, leaning over to hold my face in my hands. Tears slip through my fingers fast, decorating my trousers and the floor. My breathing is quick and shallow, my brain struggling to keep up to my heart as I sob and sob. I wasn't in any sort of pain, but the tears kept coming, soaking the hand I used to hold his. Realisation starts to blossom somewhere in the back of my mind, but I force it out, refusing to recognise it as I lower my head further, feeling dizzy and terribly sick. I couldn't dare think about it, but I couldn't force the thought out of my mind. I couldn't do anything but cry. 


	5. Square 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As realisation sinks in, something equally bad has happened... again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! As always, thanks so much for reading! :D enjoy! xx

The night passed slowly, without sleep. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, rethinking everything I had ever done in my lifetime. There was no rest to be found that night, when I did start drifting, I thought of him and was instantly awake. My mind wouldn't let it go, I could still smell him, hear him, feel his hand against mine. Everywhere was the constant reminder of him, even tomorrow would be full of him and and I couldn't let it go. 

I didn't know what to feel, what to think. My face felt hot in the cold room and I remembered how his hand had felt against my cheek, rough and painful. I wanted to remember that, remember the pain, not the gentle sensation of his fingers sliding through mine. I couldn't like the General, not like that. It was unprofessional, not to mention impractical. He was cold, heartless even in some aspects. I enjoyed his company and I worked for him, I would not stoop to falling for him. Not in this life or any other. 

They'd probably have me killed for liking him, I thought, rolling onto my side so my right hand was under my face. My right hand, the hand he had- no. They'd definitely have me executed, or at least fired. Work came first, and I had to keep it like that. I shut my eyes, his face came into view, the distraught hair and reddened face as he knelt in front of me. We were equal in that moment, both weak and fragile, both under Ren's control. He had stopped being superior for that one short moment, he was vulnerable. I had liked that, being equal to him, not inferior like I usually was. I would have done anything he had asked me to do then, right there, I was equal but entirely at his mercy. If he had asked me to run away with him, I would have; if he had asked me to kill Kylo Ren with nothing but my bare hands, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I didn't mind being under his control, but out of choice. I would choose to follow him, if he gave me such luxury as choice. 

Stop thinking about him. 

~~~~~~~~

I went to breakfast tired and weak, running off nothing but fear. I ate in the far back corner, alone, until there came the clattering of a tray beside me,

"Y/N! Long time no see!"

"Sorry Michella," I feel embarrassed, "I've been swept off my feet."

"You look exhasusted! Still doing shower duty then?"

"No, I'm fixing Hux's quarters actually." I smile at her, trying to play it off like it was nothing.

"Really? After what Ren did?"

"Yeah, it's a lot." I sigh, "I didn't get much sleep last night." 

Michella nods, about to reply when the room falls silent. In comes Kylo Ren, standing before us all. I don't look at him, ducking down. Is he looking for me? Is he going to kill me? His face scans the room, he settles on me for a moment, before turning on his heel and walking straight out. I let myself breathe and lift my head. Michella raises her brows at me,

"What was that? Was he looking for you?"

"Maybe,"

"Why?"

I shouldn't tell her, but I do, leaving out the bit where Hux held my hand and told me to call him by his first name. Michella looks more surprised by the second, eyes widening with each word. I finish and sit there in silence, unsure of what she'd say,

"Wow."

"Yeah, but I'm alright now, just scared he's waiting to kill me." I don't get to finish my food before my datapad beeps to alert me of the time. I say a quick goodbye and head to Hux's quarters, dreading it with every cell of my body.

I stand before the door, willing myself to knock and get started. But I can't. I'm suddenly paralyzed by fear, wanting to see the General but also wanting to be as far away as possible.

_Don't be stupid. You see him every day. Just knock._

I don't get to think about it any longer because the door opens and there stands Armitage Hux,

"Miss L/N. I have some bad news."

Oh no, he's going to send me back to shower duty, or fire me, or have me killed or-

"Are you going to come in?"

"Yes General."

He smiles, "Remember what I said, Armitage in private."

I nod, stepping inside, scared for my life. I look around. No! The place is once again wrecked, but even worse than last time! There are holes in all the walls, the kitchen cabinets are strewn across the floor and Millicent is laying on the burnt remnants of what was one the sofa (the other is little more than a pile of ashes). I don't even want to see the refresher, but I check and see it in pieces. A tile slides from the wall and makes me jump, shattering against the bathtub, which is in two. 

"Did he do this?" I ask Hux, who is stood behind me.

"Yes, he must have done it whilst we were in his quarters." 

I feel my face heat up, he didn't acknowledge what we did in there, but just mentioning it made my heart rate quicken. This is childish, to get flustered by something so small. I straighten my back,

"Would you like me to start again then?" 

"I think that would be best, I'm sorry Miss L/N for wasting your time." He meets my eyes, "You were almost finished if I remember correctly,"

"I was, but don't worry, I'm alright." More time with the General, exactly what I needed right now. I was so conflicted, and here we are, his destroyed quarters forcing us together for even longer. I walk past him, feeling the fabric of his greatcoat brush against me, a small fleeting touch which makes me stop in the hallway and sigh far louder than I'd like,

"Miss L/N?"

I hold my breathe, counting to ten to try and stop my head from exploding. Pressure builds inside of me, threatening to spill over as he comes closer and turns me around to face him.

"Miss L/N, are you ok?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine." 

"You look tired, how did you sleep?"

"I didn't," I said, "I couldn't."

"I understand, I didn't sleep either." He looks me up and down sadly, "Go back to your room and rest, you can always start tomorrow."

"But Armitage, your quarters!"

"I'll be fine for the day, now go." He's still sharp as I nod and listen to his orders, walking back to my room and collapsing onto my bed. 

I feel warm, heavy and incredibly tired. But mostly I felt my heart beating rapidly as I thought about him, closing my eyes and allowing myself to think. I needed to sleep, and while I felt guilty dreaming of him, I couldn't stop myself. Nobody had to know about one dream, it was nothing worth worrying about.

~~~~~~~~~~

When I woke up the next morning, earlier than usual, I felt oddly refreshed. I had only gotten up once in the night, but soon went back to sleep. I had dreams of him, I admit, but I was so tired that it didn't matter then. Thinking about it now, I was once again horrified, he was the General! I didn't like him, it was the exhaustion, it was making me act funny. I tried to justify it, to excuse it, but I knew deep down there was another reason as to why I couldn't shake the thought of him.

I got up and ate breakfast, without a surprise visit from Ren, and hurried along to Hux. I was still incredibly nervous, my brain refusing to let go of my dreams, making me think of them as the door opens but no one is there. The door shuts behind me, but Hux is nowhere to be seen. My datapad beeps and I pull it out of my bag.

_'Miss L/N,_

_I have had to leave for something, I shouldn't be more than a day or two. Start work as usual, the doors will open and lock on their own. Stay out of trouble._

_General Hux.'_

I stare at the message. Out? Why would he go out? I shove the pad back into my bag and grumble something under my breath. Millicent meows from the bedroom. He had gone because of me, hadn't he? Was he embarrassed? He was probably planning the best way to kill me, waiting for the right moment. I look around, surveying the damage. I would miss him being here to watch, and I almost knew it was my fault. Had I driven him away? I hoped not, but I had the growing suspicion that I had. Great.


	6. The truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Hux gone, there's nobody to stop Kylo Ren...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapters are a little angsty/dark at the moment, but trust me, it's worthwhile :) Also, this chapter is a little shorter, but important.

Only bad things had happened when I was left alone in Hux's quarters, but today was different. I was determined not to get in trouble again, especially with the General gone. If he didn't punish me, then it would be Kylo, and I was less than enthusiastic to see him again. I had bumped into him once, when hunting down a storage cupboard with a step-ladder, and it was enough to scare me witless. He was seething frustration to the point where the air around him seemed to ripple with a phantom heat despite the coolness of the hall. I was doing anything in my power to avoid seeing that again. 

As Millicent called softly from below me, I stood on the ladder and reached up to plaster the wall. I hope Ren was pleased with himself after what he'd done, I was already exhausted. How did he even manage to put a hole here? Millicent meowed again and I stopped to pet her, running my fingers through her fur until she purred. I missed Hux, a lot. I had tried to make tea for myself but even after several attempts, I could never get it to taste the same. I didn't just miss the tea though, I missed him. His regulated breathing, his confused face as he watched me fix something he didn't know how to, his smile every morning when he opened the door. 

I need friends.

Maybe I was finally losing it, going stir-crazy from being confined to the black, smooth abyss of the base. I must be, to be so delusional as to miss the General. He didn't miss me, he had gone off somewhere without even saying goodbye! What was to miss? I sighed to myself and continued working, picturing the outside worlds; I could be anywhere else right now and I would be happy. I saw lakes and trees, plants and animals of the strangest kind. I saw other people, actual people, not the nameless troopers or equally depressed technicians. I saw my family. They missed me, at home. The General didn't. It was silly really, to think for a moment that the General could have actually liked me, cared for me, felt anything for me. If I was in his position, I certainly wouldn't, I would be with some pretty young thing from a well-off family on some luxurious planet. I would marry a queen maybe, and not only would she be beautiful, but she would be useful for the order. The General thought with strategies, not with love.

I had to keep reminding myself of that, that he was using me for labour, that he didn't actually like me, but it wasn't enough. I gave up, stepping off of the ladder and slumping onto the sofa with some effort. It was ashy and uncomfortable, but I couldn't bring myself to work, not in his quarters without him. I was lazy, yes, but understandably so. He had left without as much as a goodbye, I had the right to be defiant. 

~~~~~~~~~~

That didn't last long, however, as shortly afterwards the door opened. I jumped to my feet, expecting to see the General or some other officer, but it was someone else. It was him. 

"L/N, with me."

"Commander?" I asked, going to reach for my bag,

"Leave it, come, now." He wasn't a man of many words. 

I followed him, the corridors empty as we traversed them. He walked ahead by a good bit, long legs carrying him faster than I could manage, his robes trailing behind. My hands trembled, my throat tight with nerves. Where was he taking me? To my death? He still had that aura of anger, pure, undeniable hatred as he led me down some foreign area I had never visited. It was dark, musty and dirty. Nobody had been down here to clean in a long time, which made me even more scared. The air was thicker, and I wondered how he breathed through the mask in a place like this. I forced myself to carry on, not to turn back and run. Hux had been merciful with me, Ren would not be as kind. 

We arrived at a door, which he opened, and I paused, scared to venture further. Ren grabbed my arm and dragged me in, tying me to the chair in the middle of the room. And that was it. That's all there was in the room, this chair which forced me to lay back until I was almost horizontal, and nothing else. Him, the chair, and me tied to it. What was this place? There was a single light above me, which flickered intermediately as Kylo fastened my restraints. I pulled at them, hoping they were old and breakable, but they weren't. I was trapped. Kylo laughed from behind the mask, checking to make sure the door was locked. 

"Help!" I cried, trying to lean towards the door, the straps digging into my flesh, "Help me!"

"Nobody can hear you," he says, coming beside me, crouching down to stroke the hair from my face,

"General!" I tried again, "General Hux, please!"

"Speaking of your General," He stands, "Where is he?"

I stop yelling, "Out, he went out somewhere."

"Where?"

"I don't know! He was gone when I went to his quarters this morning, didn't he tell you?"

"No." Kylo walks behind me, hand gently running across the edge of the chair, "I don't believe you."

"Believe me?" I asked, voice wavering

"He told you!" Ren snaps, "He told you where he went! Tell me!"

"No, no, please! He didn't! I promise!"

Kylo bends down again, right in my face, "I don't believe you."

"Please don't hurt me! Please!" My voice strains, throat burning, "Hux! General! Armitage, please help me!"

That makes him stop, "So you know his name then?"

"You know I do," I turn away from him

"And you can call him that name, can you?"

I don't reply. Kylo grabs a handful of my hair and pulls, making me face him,

"You and the General have certainly grown closer." His voice is sickly, "Tell me where he went or I will force it from you."

I want to reach up and grab his hands, yank them from me and attack him, but the restraints stop me. Kylo growls,

"I can hear your thoughts, they are pathetic." He raises a hand, I brace myself for the pain.

Even though I was prepared, the sensation of him searching my mind is torturous. I cry out, tears forming as I desperately try to stop myself from thinking of Hux. Kylo grunts from beside me, but my eyes are screwed shut so I can't see him. The General starts becoming my only thought, and while I try to stop, I can't help it. I think of him holding my hand, of the sleepless night I had afterwards, of his heartless message on my datapad. Please, let it stop, it's too much. I don't want him to know. Kylo keeps looking, seeing our every interaction, from the shower to the present moment. My thoughts were all of him, nothing else. 

He stops, eventually, and I can hear his taunting laughter through the throbbing in my head,

"You definitely like him, then. But you did tell the truth." He sounds almost displeased at that. He doesn't move away, still close to my face as he talks.

"Please, stop."

"Why? Scared the General will hear of this? Your secret is safe with me, miss L/N." He mimics the way Hux says my name, which makes me tense up. 

"What secret?" I ask, already knowing the answer. Ren doesn't respond, just undoes my straps and frees me.

I have to stop myself from hitting him, from attacking him like he deserves. My legs shake, but I manage to walk limply back to Hux's quarters. I collapse once more onto the sofa and allow Millicent to jump up beside me. I missed him. 


	7. Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is back, but not without something to say

After finishing for the day, I headed back to my room. My entire body felt weak and heavy, but once again I couldn't sleep. The pain behind my eyes was forcing me awake, and I could only think of Hux. I wanted him back as soon as possible, but I was scared. What if Ren told him? What if he knew how I felt? I sat on my bed, knees pulled up against my chest and waited for the pain to subside so I could go to sleep. Hux had comforted me last time, his soft gestures had been enough to make me forget the torture, this time I was alone.

Tears threatened to spill, welling in the corners and blurring my view of the room. Not like there was much to see. It was frozen, empty and rough. I hated it. I shivered in the cold, still wearing my uniform and listened to the few people outside. They were troopers, loud as they stomped past, talking to each other as they did so. Somebody else was walking with them, their footsteps different to the troopers. I feared it might've been Kylo as the figure paused right outside my door. 

Then they knocked.

I slowly stood, anxiously approaching the door, expecting to see the masked man on the other side. But it was someone else, Hux.

"Miss L/N, I told you I wouldn't be long."

"Armitage!" I stepped aside to let him enter, which he did, scanning the room as he came to stood in the center, "I've missed you, Millicent has too." 

"Has she?" He ignores most of what I said. I don't mind that though. 

"Yes, and I saw Kylo Ren as well while you were gone." I want to tell him what he did to me, but I can't. He can't know.

"I suppose he was upset? I didn't tell him where I went." He says it like it's a joke, but I feel too sick to laugh. 

"Yes, he was." I pause, "Is everything alright?" I sit back on my bed, Hux clears his throat.

"You were right Miss L/N, about what you said on the first day. Your talents are wasted in my quarters..."

"Sorry about that, I spoke out of line," Not this again, I thought he was over it. 

"...So you should work elsewhere."

"What?" My stomach dropped.

Hux sighs, keeping his hands behind his back as he comes closer, "Miss L/N, you're a talented technician, I'll find a less capable one to deal with my menial tasks."

Where had this come from? I stood, daring to defy what he'd said, "But I don't mind fixing your quarters! In fact, I like it! Please, Armitage!" I grab the sleeve of his coat,

"No, you don't. I'll make sure they give you some fighters to work on, don't worry."

"I'm not worried about that sir! I want to finish what I started!"

"And what did you start, Miss L/N?"

I pause at that. What had I started? Nausea starts burrowing into my stomach, I felt even weaker than before, I didn't want to stop! I didn't want some other technician doing what I was, taking my place. It didn't make sense, he disappears and then comes back to get rid of me! Hux removes my hand from his sleeve.

"Goodnight, Miss L/N, I trust there's nothing of yours in my quarters." He was cold, icy and heartless as he left my room, just as he was when I saw him parading around. I thought I was more than that to him, that he treated me differently to the troopers and the officers. I thought he cared. The light from the hall had cast cast over me for a second before I was once again shrouded in darkness, silence filling the void his voice had made. 

~~~~~~~~~

It had been a week. A whole, long, tiresome, week.

I thought I would like fixing TIE fighters, but I hated it. It was much too public, other technicians and troopers filling the bay as I worked. I didn't want to see others, not even Michella, who was far too happy about me working beside her. I felt betrayed, abandoned, and I had barely slept at all since I had started working. I slammed my fist against the metal and hissed, a sharp pain shooting through my wrist. I pulled away a panel and started rooting around, hoping to find the problem and fix it before some smarmy engineer starts interfering. The engineers were a step above us technicians, they dealt with the more complex, intricate issues and they thought they were so clever. They made my blood boil.

I'll admit, I was certainly a lot more frustrated than usual, but that was Hux's fault. I saw him a few times, surveying the bay and commanding troops, but he never even looked in my direction. I shoved a hand into the mass of wires to try and forget where I was, who I was with, and why I was here. The problem would be in here somewhere, probably just a wire knocked loose. If only I was back in his quarters, I would have had tea by now and I could've stopped working to sit near him. I could pet Millicent while he wrote some important letter or another, just enjoying his presence. I couldn't do that here. 

I wonder why he got rid of me, he knew from the start I was good, why wait this long to give me a new job? New technicians start pretty much daily, he could have picked any one of them, but no. Suppose he's got some professional builder or droid to do it, he's probably seizing the opportunity to upgrade his quarters. I grumble under my breathe and pull at a cable, there! Some idiot had forgotten to put it back properly, probably one of those engineers who think they're above my line of work. I glared at one as I fixed the issue and slammed the panel shut. I climbed into the cockpit and turned on the ship to show it was fixed before shutting it off and jumping out. One ship fixed, only hundreds more to go. 

Checking my datapad, I ventured over to the next ship that needed fixing. I was incredibly bored already, I had loved the idea of working on fighters before, but now... 

_What would you rather be doing? Fixing ships like a real technician or cleaning the General's quarters?_

It was stupid to think that this was boring, or uninteresting. Cleaning was boring, this environment had been the dream not so long ago. What was wrong with me? I felt hot underneath my uniform and decided to go for a drink. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I left the bay and wondered the corridors towards the canteen. Something was definitely wrong, I felt sick and light-headed. Maybe I should go to the med-bay.

~~~~~~~~~

Inserting a credit into the vending machine, I waited for my bottle of water, not expecting somebody to tap me on the shoulder. I spun round, Hux is there, he grabs my shoulder to steady me.

"Miss L/N, I need to speak to you."

Dread fills me, had Ren told him? I grabbed my water and followed Hux into the nearest storage cupboard. It's dark and stuffy, but I don't worry about that, I'm much more worried about what Hux is going to say.

"How are you finding your new job?" He asked, far too close for my liking. I flushed as his rich scent clouded the air. I felt powerless before him.

"Good, it's good."

"Don't lie, Miss L/N."

"Fine! I hate it! I thought I wanted to work on the ships, but I miss working with you!" I speak without thinking, rambling as Hux places a hand on my cheek,

"I thought as much. Miss L/N, whatever I say to you or do with you, you don't tell anyone, understand?"

"Armitage?" I swallowed thickly, my mind fogging with all the things he could mean by that. 

The hand on my face doesn't move, his thumb slowly rubbing my cheek. His movements are gentle but deliberate. He pulls me closer to him, my face planting itself into his chest. He's warm, solid. 

His arms wrap themselves around my waist, I lift my head to look at him,

"Armitage, sir?"

"Miss L/N, this is between you and I." His voice is quiet, sweet. 

He holds me, my heart racing as I try to memorise the feel of him, in case he pulls away and leaves again. The darkness of the cupboard hides what could only be considered as forbidden actions, his strong form keeping me there. I feel like crying, but I bite back tears, not wanting to leave any trace of me on him. This was secret, and when we left this space I would have to pretend it had never happened. 

Nobody could know.

The moment could have lasted years for all I knew, time seemed to stop, the rising and falling of his chest being the only indication of us not being frozen. I snuggled in deeper, inhaling the intoxicating smell of him, tasting it almost. I could stay like this forever, never moving, never sleeping or eating again, living off of nothing but the adrenaline buzzing through me. I wonder if he felt the same.

"Miss L/N- Y/N- are you ok?" His voice is almost nothing

"Let me come back and work with you, please, this has been the worst week of my life."

He runs his hands up my spine, coming round to cup my face and guide me to look into his eyes. They're darker than usual, cloudy almost. I stare into them. 

"Of course, I missed you."

"I missed you too."


	8. Being given a choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren is best at interferring at the worst times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for not updating yesterday guys! I was really busy and just didn't get the time :( sorry if this chapter also comes out later than usual, thanks for being patient with me xx :D

I never thought I'd see the day when I missed a room. It was just a room, but after stepping into the General's quarters for the first time in a week, I felt overcome with relief. This room was the closest thing to home I had here. 

Millicent rubbed against my legs, Hux bent down and collected her in his arms before looking down at me,

"Better?" He asked, placing the cat down on the sofa,

"Yes, thank you."

"I haven't touched anything since you went, everything is exactly the same." He sat down, patting the spot beside him as an indication for me to sit as well, 

"Why didn't you get someone else to continue my work?" I asked politely, noticing the crumbling walls,

"I was hoping you'd come back," He admitted, "I couldn't bare to see anyone else doing your job, Miss L/N."

"It's Y/N, I get to call you Armitage."

"Yes, but that's because you saved me from something, I am yet to do the same." He relaxed slightly, stiff shoulders dropping as a sign of comfort.

"You saved from working on those ships, that's enough." I laughed, Hux brushes back his hair,

"No it isn't," Hux smiles, "I'll save you properly one day."

"I'm holding you to that."

~~~~~~~~~

With order slowly returning to my life, I allowed myself to relax. I no longer froze at the sight of Ren, I no longer avoided the critical glares of the troopers in the halls. I had Hux back, that was enough.

Or so I thought.

The removed fear had left a hole, a hole that I filled with confidence, and that was a crucial mistake.

I was hurrying along the corridors, carrying a tub of paint in one hand and a roller in another, quickly half-running back to Hux's quarters when I sharply turned a corner, bumping into something solid. I apologised, expecting it to be a trooper, but instead.

"L/N."

"Sorry commander, I didn't see you there." I stepped back to allow Ren to properly stare me down through the mask.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to the General's quarters, sir, back to work."

"Work?"

I nodded, unsure of what to say.

"L/N, with me."

"Sir?"

He grabbed my wrist harshly, causing me to drop the paint and roller with shock. The paint can hits the floor with a loud bang, I see the paint seeping from it and across the floor. I still to look at the mess, but Ren drags me away. Why now? Everything was going great, and then this great big lump turns up to ruin it!

"Do you make a habit of slandering your superiors, L/N?" His voice is low, 

"No commander." 

He keeps pulling, his grip never faltering as I try to remove my wrist from his hand. My feet lag behind slightly, stumbling as I try my best to keep up with his long strides. We re-enter the filthy, run-down area and I shudder. Not again. I keep trying to get away, my heart pounding as I do everything in my power to free myself and run away from the monster.

"Silence." He commands. I clear my mind.

He straps me in once again and I struggle, I will not be toyed with like some animal. 

"Let me go!" I yell at him, Ren's stood by the door, locking it. 

He turns round and I fall silent. There's a hissing noise and the front of his mask shifts, freeing him slightly, his large, gloved hands pull it off of his head completely. 

Oh.

Long, black, messy hair meets a angular face. I study him carefully, his surprisingly bright eyes and prominent nose. He looked young, innocent almost as he looked back at me with anticipation. I expect a gungan, or some equally unattractive creature. Not this. He was shockingly handsome for a sulky, murderous beast.

"As handsome as General Hux?" He smiles, I had never expected his smile to be quite so scary.

"huh?" I can't speak, suddenly shy.

"Your General, am I as good looking as him?" His confidence grows with each step he takes towards me.

"You want me to answer that?"

"Yes."

My voice can barely be heard, even in the deathly quiet, "I... I..."

"You like your General a lot." 

_My General_

"Sir?"

_Like him_

"You know what I mean, but you don't know what to do."

_A lot_

Ren approaches, crouching down beside my face again, eyes meeting mine in an ominous, intimidating way, "I'll give you a choice. I need something done, and you will do it."

"Or what?" I spat, refusing to give in

"Or I tell him. I tell him how you feel. I can feel it now, I can feel what you feel for him. I am inside your head, I can see it all."

There's a pause, I can hear my heartbeat

"The storage cupboard." He whispers into my ear, "I know about that too, and I can assure you- he does not feel the same."

My throat tightens, I strain to stop myself from crying.

"But you already knew that," He starts talking again, leaning in closer

"Please stop.." I beg, 

"You've always known, deep down, how unlovable you are. How could someone like _him_ be with someone like _you._ " He mirrors my own thoughts, saying aloud what I had playing in my mind.

"Stop! Please stop talking!"

"Then do what I say!" He shakes the room with his unmodified voice, "and your secret can stay between us."

"Anything," I plea, "I'll do anything."

"Good."

Ren stands, pacing the room, watching me like a predator stalking prey. I felt vulnerable, but not like how I felt with Hux. Hux never made me feel frightened, not truly like he did. I trembled, still tied to the chair. He ponders for a moment, as if unsure what he even wants me to do. I was getting sick of his games, and I shut my eyes to block him out.

"I need you to steal something from your precious General."

"Steal something?" I opened my eyes again, he's stood directly in front of me

"A document, from his desk. It has the plans for our next steps, I need it."

"Can't you just ask him for it?" I rolled my eyes, making my displeasure clear to the man before me

"He won't give it to me, says I'm too irresponsible. Take it from him, and give it to me." Ren undoes my restraints so I can stand. 

"I wonder why he won't give it to you, you've been incredibly reasonable up until now."

"Watch yourself," He warns, eyes aflame with anger, "Or you know what will happen."

"I'll do it."

"Bring the document to me afterwards, I'll be in my quarters."

~~~~~~~

Kylo leaves me in the room and I take a moment, gathering myself with a few shaky breaths. I didn't like this, he was blackmailing me, using my own feelings against me. That wasn't fair! I straighten out my uniform, it's just a document, it was less important than the secret I was harboring. I would do it, but that doesn't mean I have to feel good about it. 

I pick up another tin of paint and roller before going back to Hux, noting that the mess from earlier had been cleared up. He would have questions, no doubt.

"Miss L/N, what took you so long?"

"They didn't have the right shade of paint," I lied through gritted teeth, "I had to wait for it to be mixed." 

"Very well, I was worried is all."

I nod, feeling my face redden at his concern, even the smallest things he did made me blush. I hoped he would never notice, or if he did, never ask about it. The embarrassment would be too much. I started painting, watching him through the corner of my eye, hoping for a moment when he was distracted. I needed to get inside of his room, Kylo Ren was not a patient man.

It felt wrong, lying to him, but he could never know. I couldn't bare thinking about how he would react if Ren told him, hostile and disgusted probably. Did the man even feel? Could he ever feel something for anyone, never mind me? I couldn't stop thinking about it, even if it pained me greatly. I was barely watching myself paint, far too focused on worrying. I didn't want to lie to him, but what he didn't know couldn't hurt him, and the truth would certainly hurt both of us.

I set down the roller, reviewing my work. It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad, considering my mind was elsewhere. I turned to Hux and saw him scribbling something down, eyes flicking between the paper he was writing on and one he was reading. I shuffled over towards the hall, preparing what I was going to say if he caught me, but he didn't. I quickly entered his bedroom, leaning over the desk to search for the document, but which would it be? There was so much, please say I could find it! I tried to sort through them without disturbing them too much, for he was sure to notice and struck gold, 

_'Classified plans for the First Order. For General A. Hux only.'_

I skimmed across the words, hoping to confirm that this was what Ren was looking for. There was nothing about him in the actual plans, but at the bottom in a messy scrawl is a footnote Hux had left for himself

_'Do not give to Kylo Ren under any circumstances, he's too dangerous.'_

Thank the maker for whatever possessed Hux to leave a note for himself. I grabbed the paper and stuffed it into my pocket, unconcerned with keeping it neat.

I exited the bedroom and saw Hux, who was still writing, and frowned to myself. He'll be furious when he discovers it missing, and it'll be my fault. 


	9. Something's missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux notices the document gone and isn't happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be back on schedule from tomorrow, but I apologise for the inconsistency. I hope you take this chapter as a way to make up for it! :D

That night I left my room and crept along the halls to Ren's quarters. It was chilly and forboding, shadows moving this way and that, submerging the walls and floor in darkness. There was nobody around, just me with the document in hand, determined to deliver it and go back quickly. My guilt grew with every step I took, constantly reminding me of what I was doing, I was betraying Hux, but I was also saving both of us. If I didn't do this, then he would find out and as Kylo Ren said, he doesn't feel the same.

Feel? What did I feel? As I kept to the wall, I felt shame, guilt and an increasing sense of hopelessness. But what did I feel for the General? He made me feel, I did not feel anything for him voluntarily, but he provoked something. He caused that anxiety that shook me in his presence; he was responsible for the blood that rushed to my face when he looked at me with those sparkling eyes; he made me stare at him. This was his fault, not mine. I was protecting myself and I was sparing him the trouble of rejecting me. I had rejected myself long ago. 

Arriving at the commander's quarters, I knocked on the door. Would he be asleep at this hour? I waited, and the familiar rushing noise revealed he was not.

"You came." He said, already unmasked, his outer robe lay discarded on a chair. 

I nodded, "The document, commander." I wanted this over with quickly.

"You knew what one to get then? You're not as stupid as you seem." His unmodified voice was unfamiliar and far too teasing,

"With all due respect, sir, I am intelligent."

"Hmm." He turned back into his own quarters, "Would you like a drink?"

I was already gone.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, I went to work as usual, scared of what I would encounter.

The first thing I saw was Hux, kneeling on the floor, frightfully searching through papers- obviously panicked. There was paper everywhere, on the coffee table, in stacks beside the General, loose sheets strewn across the floor from where he had tossed them aside.

"Miss L/N, you haven't seen this document have you?" He asked, standing and rushing up to me, "It's really important!"

I bit my tongue, desperately wanting to tell him. I felt a nervous sweat break out on my forehead, "Document? No, I haven't."

He believed me, turning back to his frantic searching. Millicent meowed from her spot on the sofa and I went over to her, combing my fingers through her fur to calm myself. _Please let this be over soon. Please._

The General doesn't give up that easily, and the whole place was upturned in his useless attempt to find it. He made me help him, insisting it was more important than my actual job. I complied, but I knew there was no point. The document was in Ren's hands now, it's too late.

"Where is it? Where is it?" He mumbles under his breathe, carrying yet more piles of paper from his bedroom, depositing them onto the floor for me to sort through. 

"Armitage, what exactly are we looking for?" I feigned innocence, 

"Plans." He replies, distracted, "Plans for the next part of the First order, a sort of extension."

"But why is it so important to find them? Surely they could be written up again?" I want him to calm down, for there to be some way to sort this

"That's not it, Miss L/N, if someone got their hands on these plans they could spoil everything!" He hands me more papers to check over

"But who would do that? The rebels?"

"Kylo Ren." Hux corrects me, frowning, "He's not happy with the idea, he wants bigger. But what Ren wants could be our downfall, too much too quickly. He isn't clever enough to plan our next move, but if he gets a hold of the plans..."

"He could alter them to suit his needs? Or hide them so they can't be acted upon?" I finish his sentence, my stomach dropping with fear

"Exactly."

He pauses, finally noticing how much of a mess he had caused, the place was in shambles. He sighs, but he wasn't disappointed. He was angry.

"Ren."

"What was that?"

"Ren. He's the only person with clearance to my quarters, the only person who could let himself in. If he had come in at night or while I was out... He has them." He jumps up, not even bothering to pull on his greatcoat before he leaves the room.

I follow behind him, praying that he would change his mind.

"I'm sure Kylo Ren wouldn't do that!" I have to run to keep up with the determined man, but it's pointless.

Hux keeps walking, marching almost, straight for Ren's quarters. I realise what's going to happen, if they fight, Kylo would win. I had to stop him.

"Sir please, listen to yourself! You can't accuse him with no proof!" Hux turns to glare at me, eyes blazing 

"I am not foolish enough to lose those plans, Miss L/N! Are you calling me stupid?"

I quiver, "No General." 

He nods sharply and continues on his way, I reluctantly follow, hoping I could resolve this mess. 

_What if he tells him anyway? What if Kylo doesn't keep to his_ promise?

If I turned back, maybe I could spare myself the embarrassment, or at least the heart-ache. But there's something about the way the General harshly knocks on the door that compels me to stay. He could never beat Kylo Ren.

"General Hux, L/N. What a welcome surprise." He's wearing his mask, his voice deadpan even through the modifier.

"You know why I'm here, something has gone missing."

"You've come to confess your own incompetence, how nice. Come in." He allows us to pass through the doorway, entering his domain.

"Don't play games with me Ren," Hux scowls, "Somebody has stolen a certain document, and I know it was you."

"Is that so?" I can tell he wants to laugh, to humiliate Hux for being as stupid as to trust me. The real thief was stood beside him, not before him. 

I want to cry.

"And what about the girl?" He changes the subject, ignoring Hux's angry red face

"She followed me here," Hux brushes me aside, daring to step closer to Ren,

"Oh. I see."

"Just give the plans back!" The General yells, hair already falling from its place, "Stop pretending!"

Kylo emits a noise somewhere between a growl and a grumble before removing his helmet, showing to Hux the blatant anger in his face. "General, you forget who you're talking to."

There's silence, before Hux starts gasping, his body lifting off the ground. Ren is force-choking him, tightly. His body hangs limp, his face shifts from red to crimson to purple. I stand there, dumbfounded at Ren's almost calm expression as the life drains from the General.

"I am your commander," Kylo tightens his grip, "I do what I like."

Hux tries to speak but only chokes further. I have to do something. Adrenaline starts pumping through me, making me brave.

Kylo Ren turns to me. "Look at your General. Look at how weak he is."

I meet Hux's eyes, wide and frantic.

"He is nothing under me, L/N, and yet..." He trails off, but he had already said enough. My heart stops for a moment, wondering if Hux caught the meaning behind his words. How dare he.

"You don't have to do this, commander!" I approach him, tugging on his robes in order to get him to stop. The loud strangled noise from Hux indicates I had the opposite effect. 

Kylo doesn't listen, staring at Hux, he looks murderous, "Look into my eyes, General, they will be the last thing you see."

Hux tries to look away, but he couldn't, locked in place by the force

"Please!" I try again, "Please let him go! He doesn't deserve this!" 

"Tell him then." He smiles at me, eyes casting over my face and then Hux's, "Tell the General what you did."

"Miss L/N?" His voice is a choked whisper,

I couldn't watch him suffer, not like this, not with Ren's pleased smile as he starts lifting the man higher. This was so unfair, to both of us, but mostly Hux. I knew this was my fault, I caused this. If Hux dies, I'm responsible, I lied to him. I am lying to him. I-

"I stole the plans!"

Hux falls to the floor, gasping for air as he looks up at me with a pained expression,

"You? You did this?" He can barely talk.

"I stole the document."

"Yes she did," Kylo's voice is cheery as he replaces his mask, "She listens to her commander, but not her General." 

I can see the betrayal in Hux's eyes, "Miss L/N, I trusted you..."

It hurt me physically to watch him realise what I'd done. His emotional pain stabbed me, making me feel sick.

"Ren told me to do it, I didn't think it would be so important!" I fall to my knees, crawling over to Hux to beg for his forgiveness. He turns away, refusing to even look at me.

"I thought you could be trusted in my quarters, Miss L/N, I was wrong. I'll see to it that you are punished accordingly."

"Please General! Sir, please!" I reach out a hand, barely brushing his arm before Hux stands and leaves me on the floor. "Armitage!"

"You have no right to even address me, let alone by that name." I had never heard his voice sound like this, menacing, evil. He sounded like Kylo Ren. "Go back to your room."

No! This wasn't right! I looked up at Hux, who had moved to stand next to Ren, the two men looking down at me. This was Ren's fault as well! Why not blame him! I felt myself tremble as I scrambled to my feet, leaving before either of them could speak to me again. I hated them-

-both of them. 


	10. Suspension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Good things come to those who wait"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone :) It's absolutely roasting in England at the moment, so bear with me if I melt before getting this chapter up haha xx

My punishment became apparent at breakfast, when I opened my datapad to see an unfortunate message where my job list ought to be 

_'Suspended until further notice, no jobs available.'_

I sighed, this was worse than shower duty. I finished eating and went back to my room, the less than friendly atmosphere making me feel unwelcome and downtrodden. It was going to be a long suspension, I could tell Hux wanted me to suffer for as long as possible.

It was deserved, I suppose, for I had betrayed him. But it still didn't seem fair, to take Kylo's side instead of mine, especially after Kylo had hurt him. He was still lesser than Kylo Ren, he was still someone under his control- he had saved himself by going against me. That seemed selfish. What I did was in his best interests, he just couldn't see that; how mortifying it would be for him to hear about how I felt. He would be disgusted, repulsed by my feelings, as was I. 

Never did I think this would happen to me. When my planet was roped into the First Order, I thought it would be responsible to join them as a technician. My father had taught me everything, if not formally, but I was as good as any technician with an actual education. I had worked on anything and everything back home, I was familiar with most things a proper school wouldn't bother with. I was real, if a little rough around the edges. I wasn't perfect, wasn't programmed like the troopers or equal in skill like the technicians. While I saw the problem with that, I didn't agree with it; I was no less than them, rough edges or not. 

I can't say I expected to even join the First Order, let alone come to be in this situation. I thought they would turn me down, or have me turned into one of them, but they didn't. I still had some modicum of freedom, while I was in a cage, it was a big cage and I had free reign of most of it. 

Deciding to exploit that scrap of freedom, I left my room again. There was no point rotting away until Hux decided to forgive me or have me killed. Still dressed in my uniform, I walked every hall I could, peering through any open doors to see what was inside. There were offices, break-rooms, and even a training room I had never seen before. I pushed open the door, pleased to see it was empty and went inside.

The room was big, an open space with weapons lining the walls, ready to be used. I sat down on a bench and marveled at them, shining and dangerous. Maybe things would be different if I became a trooper, nameless, faceless, unafraid and perfect for the Order. I could train and fight everyday, unbothered by injury or death. This wouldn't have happened if I had been one of them, instead I was far too human for my liking. Emotions had slowed me down. 

There wasn't much else to see aside from the training room, but I didn't want to risk staying in case somebody found me. It was probably against the rules for me to be in there without good reason, but I had done worse. I had destroyed General Hux's trust, and that thought wouldn't leave.

Instead, I found a common room I hadn't known was there. In my few months working here, I was yet to visit it. Now I had all the time in the galaxy. The common room was popular too, mostly with troopers who gathered around tables to talk with each other. I ignored them, noting instead the bookcases full of thick, heavy novels and the people that were reading them. Everyone who worked for the First Order was here; medical staff, officers, the aforementioned stormtroopers. 

Choosing a singular armchair in the back corner, I sat down. The place was a little more homely compared to the halls connecting to it. The lights were still a blinding white, but the worn chairs and tables gave it a used, old feeling. Every other surface was shining, new and clinical, for something to be less than perfect was a welcome change. The books looked generations old, even the ones being read were dusty. The spines were cracked, bent and bruised from the many people who had used them. There were little change in the First Order, and that extended to the knowledge they passed down. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I had seen everything in just a few days. I wasn't brave enough to venture down the restricted corridors, or even take the lift down into the lower areas where the inner workings lay. One day, I would have a job down there and I would have to brave the darkness, but not yet. 

It got boring quickly after that, with no new things to see, I resorted to sitting in the common room between meals. It was a calming environment and I began to familarise myself with it: for example, what seat was the most comfortable, what some of the books were about, where to sit to stay out of everyone's way. I also discovered something else about the common room that I loved, it's best feature. On the furthest wall from where I usually entered was a panel. Sleek, black and definitely hiding something. I didn't think much of it until one evening when I was absentmindedly reading and an officer came in to join me. We were the only ones there, the others having filtered out ages ago. The officer approached the panel and pressed a button beside it, paying me no mind as they did so. The panel shuddered for a moment before folding up like a great metal blind. It moved to reveal a window and I had to stop myself from gasping. 

The window gave me the most beautiful view of space, a blank abyss full of blinking stars. I stared at it, eyes glued to the magnificent view, bright and beautiful and so free compared to the confines of the ship. I waited for the officer to leave, which they did, and approached the glass. My hand pressed against it , ruining it's cleanliness, and I felt tears well in my eyes. Where was my home? Somewhere in this great emptiness were my parents, my family. Would they be looking as well, looking up in the hopes of seeing any trace of me? I pulled my hand away and erased the hand-print on the glass with my sleeve.

How I missed them, up here in space, alone. 

~~~~~~~~~

Every night I pressed the button, every night I stared into space and waited for a sign for of my home. I would never be able to spot it, not unless we were intentionally landing on it. But I hoped, dreamed and prayed it was out there, that even for a moment I could see it and be reminded of where I came from, that all hope wasn't lost. 

It was something I did in private, long after everyone had retired to bed, in the safety of my solitude I watched the stars blink, watched us move through them, each night granting a slightly different view of the galaxy and all of its wonders.

What would people think if they saw me? It was a childish act, but it was oddly therapeutic; I was not alone, there were hundreds of civilisations right in front of me. They would think I was homesick, but I wasn't really, I just needed a friendly face after losing the General's kindness towards me. I needed him back. This was just a coping mechanism.

~~~~~~~~

One night after doing my daily watching of the stars, I got my wish granted. I was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling waiting for sleep when my door opened without warning. I froze, closing my eyes and pretending to be asleep, scared I was in trouble. 

"Miss L/N? Are you awake?" His voice made me sit up,

"General?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to speak to you." He sounds upset.

I stand up, ignoring the sensation of the cold air shooting up my spine, "Yes General?"

"I need your expertise back at my quarters. Your replacement is nothing compared to you." 

"I'm suspended sir, I can't."

"That was my doing," He sighs, "I'm sorry."

I don't want to give into him, "I don't care, I'm not coming back just because some other technician is useless."

He places a hand on my shoulder, I can barely make out his face in the shadows, "I miss you, Miss L/N, I'm afraid I made a mistake."

"General, I stole that document, you have a reason to be upset," My tone softens, my angry facade fading as he grips my shoulder tighter, coming closer,

"You did what Kylo Ren told you to do, I assume there was a reason why you felt the need to?"

I nod, not wanting to elaborate, still frightened by the idea of telling him.

"I understand, and I forgive you. Come back to me, Miss L/N, you must be bored."

I think it over, his eyes reminding me of the stars in space,

"General? Are you sure you want me to come back? I can't keep doing this back and forth."

"Neither can I, if you come back, it's for good." He sounds genuine, kind, caring.

"Ok then," I nod, taking the hand off of my shoulder and squeezing it gently, "Ok."

"Thank you Miss L/N."

There's silence, neither of knowing what to say. I daren't ask him to leave, the closeness of him is intimate and makes me feel safe. I need him close to me like this at all times, I can't not be near him. He turns to leave.

"Stay," I whisper, not letting go of his hand.

He does, holding my hand tightly, like we had to stay touching. I lift my head to look at him properly, he's so close and yet the night makes him seem distant. I keep my eyes on him, scared he'll fade away from view. Hux looks down at me with an expression I had never seen before, his features relax, his face stoops closer to mine,

"With your permission," He says,

I nod, already knowing what comes next. 

His lips meet mine, his head tilted slightly so his nose presses against the side of my own. Hux is gentle, barely kissing me, we breathe the same air in that moment- we are one. He doesn't dare to go harder, to apply more force or to do anything else. He's still holding my hand, but he treats me like I'm sacred, or dangerous. Like I'm fragile and anything too forceful will break me. Maybe it would, for my heart is quickening with each second and my body feels drained of everything but the feeling of him. 


	11. Back to normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With everything returning to normal, Kylo Ren decides to go on a mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! :D I was wondering if there were any other stories you guys would be interested in reading? I wrote this not expecting people to read it, so if there's anything else you'd want to read, let me know! xx

It didn't take long for things to return to normal. Hux didn't hesitate to remove my suspension so I was quickly back to fixing his quarters, with him close by. Once again I was allowed to call him 'Armitage', and while he never used my first name, I couldn't care less. The comfortable silences and tea breaks were more than enough. I had missed him more than I had thought.

We didn't talk about the kiss, even though I wanted to. I was scared about what he'd say if I asked about it. What if it was a mistake? What if it was a spur of the moment thing and he regretted it? But equally, what if he had liked it? What if he wanted to do it again? He would only have to ask and I would be mush in his hands.

I let myself entertain the thought against my better judgement, allowing myself to daydream about it in his presence. He wasn't like Kylo Ren, he couldn't hear my thoughts and I was thankful for that. I would definitely be ruined if he could, my mind betraying me at all moments, choosing the most inconvenient times to remind me of how he had felt, how warm his body was, how gentle he was in the dark. 

It was always in the dark, a storage cupboard, Kylo's foreboding room, my bedroom at night. He was hiding, refusing to do anything in the light of his own quarters or the busy corridors. He was ashamed. Of me? Of himself?

Hux wasn't someone understandable or clear, he was careful, deliberate and evasive. I caught him watching me every now and then and sometimes he would look away, other times he keep staring, daring me to stare back. He was in charge, and often I found myself not disliking that, his command was comforting. 

Either way, it was good to be back in his quarters everyday. I felt relaxed in those rooms, the feeling of being needed was so sweet and wanted, I would do anything to keep feeling it. 

Maybe this small, silent, inexplicable thing between us could be enough; it wasn’t fleeting or rushed, it felt like something resting somewhere deep inside. Deep inside both of us, or at least me, was this growing ball of emotion, blooming and blossoming with each of his words or gentle touches. I was growing with his words, forming a different shape under his touch, conforming to it so I was perfect for him. He changed me, he made me melt and then rebuilt me to be better for his liking.

I wanted to do the same to him, but he was too cold, too solid to weaken. He would never change for my tastes, I was to adapt to him. It didn’t feel fair, but I was willing, hoping with all the effort I put in, I would at least get something back.

~~~~~~~~

“Kylo Ren has gone out.” Hux announces one morning as I settle into the sofa with a hot cup of tea, “I will be needed on the flight deck all day, I might be back late- would you be willing to wait for me?” 

“I’ll be fine,” I pause, looking down at the steaming liquid, “How are things, up there?”

He doesn’t respond, just nods curtly and leaves. 

I suppose it was a good thing, not knowing about what was happening. I didn’t want to know, it’s just that conversation would have been nice. I would never have admitted it aloud, but I almost felt sorry for the resistance- they were brave, and powerful, much more so than the groups of troopers we used to fight our battles. Those things were programmed, lacking in humanity, the resistance was formed of people, and they were a lot more courageous than anyone aboard would like to admit. 

As I started working, I thought about the resistance. Not that the thoughts were treasonous, just admirable. All those brave heroes, all their stories and legends, and they were all real! The closest thing we had to a hero was Darth Vader and there was little to know about him. Nobody spoke of his past, not like they did with the resistance legends. I had heard myths surrounding the resistance, their long lost religion and the republic they looked to restore. How sad it all was, that if I were born just a few generations ago, that I could have been around during a time of peace and prosperity- not war and anguish. 

Perhaps Hux knew more about the history, he would have to, wouldn’t he? No use fighting against the rebels if you don’t know why you’re doing it. I wish he would talk more, I could imagine sitting with him during the evenings, listening to him tell me stories. All of them, not skipping a single detail no matter how small. He would know all about Darth Vader, and I wanted him to tell me. Just to hear him, his voice recalling tales as if they were written in a book somewhere, maybe they were. He would know if they were, and I would have him find them so I could read along with him. 

It was a long day for me. I was determined to use my extra time to finish off the more glaring issues. If it hadn't been for Hux's late return giving me the time, it would've taken me days to finish re-tiling the entire refresher (thank you Kylo Ren), but I was almost done for when the door opened and he came in, calling for me.

"Amitage, you're back! How was everything?"

"Fine, Miss L/N, what have you been up to?" He removes the greatcoat, draping over the kitchen counter.

"I've almost finished re-tiling, would you like to see?"

"No, I trust you."

"Right," I nodded, "I better get back to it then."

"Wouldn't you like to go back to your room now? Or get dinner?" He looks confused, 

"Oh no, I've only got a little bit left, I'll get it done so it'll have time to dry overnight." I explained, hoping he would allow me at least a few minutes with him nearby. He did. 

~~~~~~~~~~

What was supposed to take a few minutes ended up taking a little over an hour. I was slower in his presence, double checking everything I did, especially when he was watching. I wanted to impress him, show him how talented I was, and I was anxious about doing something wrong while he was there. I was never normally scared about making mistakes, it was something natural that came with the job, but with Hux's critical eye on me I felt less than confident in my ability. He stood in the doorway, silently observing, and I had to force my hands to move and not fall limp by my side. My entire body shut down when he was near me, I had to make myself work. 

By the end of it I was exhausted, and hungry. But hunger was an afterthought as I yawned for the third time in a minute. Hux took note as I stumbled from the refresher and nearly fell.

"Miss L/N, you're tired."

I nodded wearily, covering my mouth to yawn again. He placed two large hands on my shoulders and sighed, 

"I told you to go back to your room, now you can barely keep your eyes open." He considers something, his face reddening slightly at the thought, "Stay in my quarters tonight, you can sleep on the sofa." 

I woke up a little, shocked almost at the notion, "Is that allowed?"

"I'll admit, I'm being a little liberal with Ren gone, but I would like you to. For convenience." He adds, "It will save you from walking to my quarters in the morning."

"Well, if you don't mind..." I trailed off, yawning once more before sitting down on the sofa. 

Hux goes into his bedroom before returning with two pillows and a blanket, "Here, I don't expect you to sleep like an animal." 

I take them gratefully and smile at him before he silently excuses himself. He was being awfully sweet, but he seemed to surprise himself more than he surprised me. I placed the pillows under my head and laid down, puling the blanket up and closing my eyes. I was so tired that sleep came almost instantly, but no before I pictured Hux once more in my mind. He had his moments, I thought, where he was more than a general. They were his best moments, the breaks in his superiority; when he was a person. I craved these experiences, but they only seemed to come in short moments, and the gaps in between were filled with longing for the next. 


	12. Viewing from afar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is a lot more relaxed without Kylo Ren around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone :) I've planned a little more of the story, but I'm waiting to see the response before I plan any further - but either way, I know what's happening next ;) x

When I wake, the quarters are filled with noise. I sit up, looking over to the kitchen where Hux is stood.

"Armitage?" My voice is slightly hoarse,

"Miss L/N, I thought I'd spare you the torture of the canteen food,"

I watch him, Millicent jumping up beside me on the sofa. I stroke her fur gently as Hux places a plate of food before me on the coffee table. 

"Thank you," I smile at him. "Aren't you going to eat with me?"

"Of course," He takes his own plate off of the kitchen counter and sits next to me stiffly.

"Don't you have droids to cook for you?" I ask, 

"No, I prefer to do my own work." He pauses to make sure I eat something, "Speaking of which, I'm needed on the viewing deck again today,"

I hum to show him I heard. He's a good cook, but the way he watches to make sure I enjoy it is slightly off-putting. He's nervous. It wouldn't hurt him to speak to me, to ask me questions or to listen to me. 

~~~~~~~~~

After Hux leaves, I force myself to start working. It was still early morning, earlier than I would normally arrive, but I wasn't going to lie about doing nothing. Millicent followed me around the quarters as I worked, meowing quietly and rubbing herself against my legs. I saw Hux in her, the kind part that rarely showed itself had molded her like it had me. Not that Hux saw me as a pet, but we were both beneath him and he could do what he wanted to us.

That's what drew me to him, he was extremely superior, but he chose not to use it. Kylo Ren exploited his power over both Hux and me, but Hux never did the same. It was admirable that he was so reserved for someone so powerful, and I was glad that it was him I was working for. I trusted him, with everything, and if he asked me to do something, I would do it- in a heartbeat. 

Perhaps it wasn't fair to do that when I'm not sure he would do the same to me, but I would still do it. Somebody might call me stupid, or weak, but I knew deep down that one day Hux would do the same for me. I know he would, and I couldn't wait for that day.

Without realising it, the day had passed by. Silently, it had turned to evening and soon Hux was returning to his quarters. 

"Miss L/N," he greets me as he comes in, taking off his greatcoat and sitting down on the sofa. 

I stop what I'm doing and sit beside him, looking up at him, "How was work?" I asked

"Good, how has it been for you?"

"Oh you know, same as always," I laughed slightly,

"Maybe you should have a day off, Miss L/N."

"Oh no sir, even if I did have a day off, there's nothing to do here. I'd rather work."

He smiles, "Could I at least do something for you? Get you something maybe?"

I admire his kindness, wondering what I could even want. I had everything I needed, and there was nothing I particularly wanted. Maybe a window in my quarters, but even then I'd only be able to see into another room. I hummed as I thought it over, Hux watching me carefully,

"I'd like to see my home," I said finally, 

"I can't take you home, Miss L/N,"

"No, I just wanted to see it from the viewing deck or something," I explained, "I can see the stars from the common room, but I want to know where my home is."

He nods, looking past me as he thinks it over, 

"Alright, come on then."

"What now?"

" _Yes now."_ He gets up, grabbing his greatcoat and putting it on, gesturing for me to follow, "It'll be best to go while there aren't many people around."

I follow him down the corridors, heart pounding as I do so. I was so excited to see my planet, to be reminded of where I came from. When we stepped onto the viewing deck I gasped, catching the attention of the few officers stationed there. The stars were laid out before me, glass barely stopping me from reaching out to touch them. I went forward, Hux allowing me free reign as I placed both hands on the glass and looked around, fascinated.

"Where is it?" I asked, not looking away,

"Your home? It's right there." Hux points to a small dot among many,

I stared at it, picturing what might be going on down there, all the people, all the wildlife, and my family. Hux puts a hand on my shoulder, professional but comforting,

"Miss L/N, are you ok?"

"I miss them a lot," My voice is choked slightly.

Hux orders the officers to leave, and they do, leaving us alone with the whole of the galaxy. 

"I know you do," He says gently, he removes the hand from my shoulder and instead uses it to guide my face to look at him.

I nod, not wanting to speak, tears blurring my vision as I think about my home,

"Miss L/N?" 

I don't respond, I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer. He was the closest thing I had up here, and I wasn't going to lose him. Not now, not ever. He tenses before relaxing, reciprocating the hug gently, cautious as he places his head atop mine, bringing us in closer.

"Why is it always like this?" I ask, voice muffled by his chest,

"Like what?"

"It's always dark, we're always alone."

"I don't get what you mean,"

"Are you ashamed of me, Armitage? Is that why you change around others?"

"Miss L/N, of course not... Why would you think that?"

"I'd understand if you were ashamed of me," I refuse to pull away, 

He tightens his grip, "Don't be stupid, you're wonderful. But I have to be professional around staff, Miss L/N, you understand?"

I nod, his hands play with the ends of my hair, not running his fingers through it, just touching it lightly as I force myself deeper into his chest. I can't ever be away from him, not now we're so close. It's an obsession, really, but I can't let go of him. He doesn't let go of me either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for such a short chapter! I was really struggling for ideas for this chapter specifically, I shouldn't struggle with the next one though :D x


	13. The helmet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren shows off his most prized possession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Because I'm working on another story as well as this one, expect updates every other day rather than every day, I hope that's ok for you :) xx This is also a short chapter, but a crucial one.

It was a cold, silent night. I had walked back from Hux's quarters to the canteen, but I could barely eat. 

Over the last week or so, we had grown even closer. He was slowly becoming more comfortable, but it was still only in private. Even so, he showed me he felt some modicum of emotion towards me, to what scale I couldn't be sure, but it was enough to comfort me. I felt giddy whenever he entertained me with some fleeting touch or another, and I would not allow myself to worry about the fact I doubted whether or not he felt as much as I did. 

Deciding it was pointless to try and enjoy the sludge they passed off as food, I wandered back to my room. It was freezing inside and I was reluctant to remove my uniform in exchange for my thin pajamas, but I did. I would shower the next morning, I thought, I was far too tired to do so now. Climbing into bed, I readied myself for sleep, wondering what Hux would have for me the next day. 

I was almost asleep when my door opened. I sat up, frightened, knowing that the presence stood there was not the General. The air felt thick, heavy as something stomped in.

"Y/N."

It was Kylo Ren. I stood before him.

"Sir?"

"I want you to come with me."

"Sir if you're going to read my thoughts, you can do it here. I do not want to go back into that room." I bartered with him, preparing to resist him if he tried dragging me into that chair.

"I want you to come to my quarters, I have something to show you."

I felt sick to my stomach, reluctantly following Kylo down the halls. I was barefoot, shivering in my thin pajamas, goosebumps prickling across my skin as I forced myself onward. 

"I sense that you and the General have grown closer, you're thinking about him right now, aren't you?"

"Yes sir,"

"I do not have a problem with your relationship," He begins,

"With all due respect sir-"

"In fact, the General's mood has improved. But I have my reasons for what I'm going to show you." 

We reach his quarters, and the whooshing of the door makes me jump back, I fear he's going to hurt me, or bully me into something again. I didn't trust him, I couldn't trust him. I was struck with anxiety as I silently entered his quarters. 

He disappeared into a room and returned with something in his hands, I couldn't make it out, black, slightly deformed as he holds it out for me to look at,

"What is it?" I ask, not looking up at Ren

"This, is Darth Vader's helmet. You know of him?"

"Of course sir, but why are you showing me this?" I reach out to touch it, cold and solid. I felt such an immense power from it, something unfathomable that I could never explain in words. It was like the power was stored in the helmet, and by touching it I was absorbing some of that power, only a fraction, but enough to feel it. 

"I cannot tell you myself, but I want you to ask Hux to tell you a story,"

"A story, sir?" 

"The story of Anakin Skywalker." 


	14. The story of Skywalker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux tells a story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of dialogue in this chapter, and it's also quite sad in my opinion. Maybe I'm just incredibly emotional, but it hurt to wrote this lol xx

I padded down the hall towards Hux's quarters. My body was trembling as I knocked quietly on the door. Kylo Ren terrified me, and I was desperate to know what he meant for me to hear. I knocked again, slightly louder, waiting for Hux to answer.

He did, still dressed aside from his greatcoat, staring down at me, 

"Miss L/N, it's late."

"Sir, Kylo Ren wanted me to ask you something."

"Yes?" He let me in, I sat on the sofa and tried to calm myself down.

"He wanted you to tell me a story," I took a deep breathe, "The story of Anakin Skywalker."

Hux paused, and rested his hands on the kitchen counter. He sighed, barely meeting my eyes as he spoke, "Anakin Skywalker's story is a tragic one, I don't see why he would want me to tell you it."

"You're lying, you know why." I challenged him because I knew he was lying, he was nervous but nodded, sitting beside me.

"You won't like it, Miss L/N."

"Tell me, please Armitage."

"Anakin Skywalker is Kylo's grandfather, but you'd probably know him as Darth Vader. He turned to the dark side after his wife became pregnant with a child; Anakin knew she would die and agreed to serve the Emperor in order to learn how to save her from death-"

"Did she survive? His wife?" 

"No." Hux took my hand wordlessly, "She still died, and Anakin was stuck serving the Emperor until his own death. He couldn't save her, his efforts were pointless."

"But why tell me this?" I shift closer to Hux, gripping his hand, 

"Because Ren knows about us, Miss L/N, and he knows what happened when his grandfather fell in love." The last word makes my heart quicken,

"You love me?"

Hux smiles, pulling me into a hug, I'm pretty much sitting in his lap as he whispers sweetly into my ear, "Of course I love you, I thought as much was obvious."

"It was obvious I loved you," I replied, "But I could never imagine you loving me back." 

Hux shakes his head, laughing, "Miss L/N, don't be stupid."

"But it's true! I never thought you would love me back, not ever!"

"Miss L/N..."

"Call me by my real name, please?"

"Y/N," He sighs my name, "I love you."

"I love you too." I breathe out, so glad to have him. Nothing could ruin this. 

"However, you heard Anakin's story, we're doomed."

"But we're different aren't we? We aren't anything like Anakin!" I grab his shirt, scared of what he would say.

"I think we might be, Y/N, there isn't place for love here." 

"We can make a place." I begged, Hux pushes me away and gets up, refusing to look at me.

"Y/N, Ren is right, I think it would save both of us if we stopped this." His words are cold.

"You said you loved me!" My voice rises, and I scramble to my feet, he has to listen to me.

"I do love you!" He turns to glare at me, "And it will get us in trouble- attachment gets you killed!"

"I would rather die loving you than live with a broken heart!" I push him with my words, daring him. My throat feels dry, tears are building in the corners of my eyes but I blink them away. 

"If I die because of you than you will be heartbroken! Did you think of that?"

"Yes! And the knowledge that you had loved me would get me through it! Don't push me away, Armitage!" I step closer, wishing he would hold me again like he had. Soft and warm and not yelling like he is now.

"I'm not pushing you away, Y/N, I'm saving you." He stops shouting, voice faltering. I stop, seeing him clearly upset by my anger. 

"I don't want you to save me. I want you to love me."

"I'm only saving you _because_ I love you." He takes me into his arms once again, placing a single kiss on my head.

I melt into him, allowing a single sob to rip from my throat and be muffled by his body. He hushes me gently, but when I look up I see tears streak down his own face.

"I can't lose you so soon, Armitage. Please don't do this to me."

"Trust me, I don't want to."

I nod, looking away from his teary eyes because they make me feel so vulnerable. Any sign of emotion from him makes me weak, and I couldn't bare to see him cry. I couldn't stop myself from crying, even if I wanted to seem strong for him. My face feels hot with tears and embarrassment, but I can't stop.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N, I'm so sorry," His voice breaks as he talks, his own shallow breathes causing his words to sound so different than they normally did. He was a wreck. 

"I'm sorry it has to be this way, but you can't stop me from loving you."

"I don't want you to stop, I just want to keep you safe." He lifts my chin with one hand so he can look me in the eye. 

He kisses me softly, short and sweet. It feels like a goodbye kiss, and I know that's because it is. I allow his arms to unwrap from around me, and I step back from him.

"I will see you again, Y/N, but not like this. This is the end for us."

I nod, but I can't speak, my voice is gone aside from three little words,

"I love you."


	15. Convincing words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! As always, I hope you're enjoying my story :) xx These chapters are really short atm, so sorry about that. They're necessary though, so please bear with me :D

Staying awake at night was a common occurrence, but this time I didn't feel as if I had much choice. My eyes were sore from crying, and no amount of tossing and turning would shake the fear from me. He had actually called it off, ended it. This wasn't a nightmare or some cruel thought from the darkest reaches of my mind. The knowledge that he loved me was so warm, but it burned me, it was Hell. Hux loved me, but he also couldn't be with me. That wasn't fair, was it? Could the galaxy really be so cruel? Why would I be punished this way, why would anyone? 

I refused to be so badly mistreated by some ruthless being in control of my life. Tomorrow I would find Hux and we would work through this. I felt deep down that we could get through this, some odd feeling deep inside that we could do this. He would see sense, surely? 

When morning came, I got up reluctantly and decided to skip breakfast altogether. I felt nauseous, incredibly so as I wandered to Hux's quarters. I was half-awake, and when I knocked on the door, I felt as if I was reaching something final. This felt like the end of something, and I was determined that it would not be the end of us. 

The door opened on its own, and when I stepped into Hux's quarters, it was empty.

"Hello?" I shouted into the darkness, "General Hux? Armitage?"

"Miss L/N." Kylo Ren's voice emerged from the dark, he stepped out of the shadows and I stumbled backwards.

"Where's Hux? What did you do with him?" I nearly fell, but I felt an invisible force holding me upright as I tried to pull away.

"I have done nothing to the General, he's left of his own accord." He laughed darkly,

"Please don't hurt me," I begged, feeling the force hold me tighter,

"I don't want to hurt you, I am protecting you." 

"No! No you're not! You've ruined everything! He's gone because of you!" The force stopped holding me and I fell to the floor, feeling tears sting my eyes.

"The General left, yes, but that was his own choice. I didn't do anything."

"But why?" I asked, "Why would he do that?"

"Because he's a coward, I only told you the story as a warning, your General took it as a threat."

"You're lying!" I was still on the floor, and I was desperately trying to move back, away from the monster before me.

"I am not. I don't want to see you in pain," 

I shook my head, drowning out the sound of Kylo Ren. I could not bare to listen to his words, they were too painful. Hux would not leave me, would he? He had done so before, but I though he had changed. I thought he was different now, that he had grown. The tears in my eyes started to fall, and I covered my face with my hands. I would not show weakness before the creature, the monster that thought he had any right to even get involved in your life. 

"You're upset, I understand. I would be too." He stepped closer, kneeling down and offering me his hand. I pulled away, terrified.

"Please, tell me you're lying, Hux would not do this to me." 

"He has, and that's ok. You are safe with me."

"I don't want you! I want Armitage."

"Very well," He stood up again, "I will leave you then, if you need anything, you know where I am."

"Please Kylo, please."

He walked past me, pausing at the door,

"I am sorry, but there's nothing I can do." 


	16. Is this what love is?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's difficult without Hux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY I've been gone!! I've been writing other stories and I've also been on holiday which was fun :) I hope this chapter makes up for it :D

I didn't go to work the next day. I sat in the empty hole of my room and stayed in bed, refusing to eat or even get dressed because there simply was no point. There were no jobs on my datapad, so I had nothing scheduled anyway. My room was comforting, it lacked any physical reminder of him, only the memory of his lips on mine. But memories were nothing, they weren't something I could cling to, they swam through my mind and made my throat raw with remorse. My room had nothing of him in it, and that was the best place to be, any actual reminder of him would shatter me, I could feel it. I was lying on the edge of something, something _bigger_ than just us. Kylo Ren could sense it too, I felt, he was scared. 

The days were empty, and I couldn't tell you how many passed by without my noticing. After a while, plates of food started showing up at my door. I ate them, but slowly, over long periods of time. It was probably Ren, trying to keep me alive so he could cruelly torture me with his words. They were like knives, digging in, the constant pressure of knowing Hux had left me. For my safety? Or his? Would we truly perish if we stayed together or was he still the cold man I first met? Maybe he didn't change, or grow, or learn to be ok with loving me. Maybe he never loved me and he lied... Maybe it was never real...

And then they found him. 

It was one night out of many when there was a knocking at the door. I answered to see Kylo Ren stood there, accompanied by a small squad of troopers,

"Miss L/N, It's Hux..."

"Hux? Where is he?"

"On Canto Bight, we're going to go and get him."

"but why the troopers?" I asked, peering around him to try and count how many there were, 

"It's in case he resists, what Hux has done isn't allowed, he will be treated no differently than anyone else."

"You're going to hurt him." I realised, "The troopers are going to shoot him."

"If that is necessary, than yes."  
  


"But- But you can't!" I grabbed Kylo's robe, tugging sharply, "You can't kill him!"

"He has betrayed the First Order, he could be a threat." Ren turned his back on me, my hands fell limp of their own accord.

"Well I wan't to come with you! I want to see him!" The door shut behind Ren and I frantically pulled on my uniform, rushing to make myself somewhat presentable. I followed him to the hangar, but stopped before climbing aboard

"If you come, you might see him die." Ren warned me, already seated 

I shook my head, "I wouldn't let that happen."  
  


~~~~~~~~

The flight wasn't too long, but it certainly wasn't enjoyable. I sat beside Ren, shifting in my seat at the thought of what was going to happen. I would travel to Canto Bight, and then what? Fear was worming inside of me, threatening to spill tears as I imagined Hux's death, painful and quick as the troopers opened fire. He would die before me, and I would be helpless. I couldn't let him die, not now, not so soon. I gripped the edge of my seat and tried to ignore the feeling of Ren's eyes boring into me. He was wearing his mask but even then I could feel his stare.

"Don't panic, he might come quietly," His voice was painfully calm,

"I won't let you kill him."

"You can try, but I will do what I must." 

I turned my face away, refusing to look at him as we travelled yet further into space. Canto Bight, I had heard of it. Rich and luxurious, the sort of place Hux would go, a life a luxury to escape the pain- it was very him. He would never spoil himself by hiding in a remote planet without the proper clubs or entertainment. I would see him again soon, would he be happy? Would he be grieving like me? I raked my fingers through my unwashed hair and prayed I would not see him happy. I loved his smile, but if he was smiling at another it would send me into the most horrific depression that I would never escape. Hux was too important for me to lose, I had fought so hard. 

When we arrived, I stepped out into the aroma of money. Rich, sultry and far too strong. Like fruit a day too ripe, and chocolate far too dark to be enjoyable. I was reminded of how I must have looked, dressed in my uniform, but barely so, the fabric wrinkled and dirty from laying on the floor. I sighed, eyeing up the locals who all stared rudely at me. Ren hurried us all along, inside of a club where Hux had been spotted by a droid, 

"We must hurry," He urged, "We cannot lose him."

I kept tight to Ren, despite how much I despised him. He was the only recognisable face, and I would not let him run off to kill Hux. I couldn't let him out of my sight, following him around as he searched desperately, hand itching to grasp the hilt of his lightsabre. He was hungry as he stalked around, checking every face for Hux's, turning his head every few moments to make sure he wasn't behind us. It was animal-like, the way he searched, hunted for the General. I was trembling at the thought of what he would do when he found him. 

There seemed to be no sign of Hux at first, which was both relieving and terrifying. I wanted to see him again, but I also didn’t want Kylo to find him. Ren was growing more and more frustrated by the moment, I could feel the anger seething off of him, growing as Hux continued to evade him.

I decided to go looking on my own, wandering the long, brightly lit streets as the wind started to pick up. I gritted my teeth, rubbing my arms to warm myself up. I thought it was cold on the ship, this was worse, fresh breezes blowing past me, worming up my arms and leaving a trail of goosebumps in my wake. It was dark, the stars and moon above were nothing compared to the artificial lighting that guided me on my venture. It was a brave choice to leave Ren, but I had to get away, I needed the fresh air and the feeling of something other than emptiness. 

Canto Bight was big, and I didn’t know my way around. I was walking aimlessly, hoping to stumble upon anything to point me in Hux’s direction. It was a shame neither of us were force-sensitive, because although we loved each other, it couldn’t lead us like the force. We were both lost, somewhere in this big city, was he hoping to see me? Was he waiting, alone in some bar, waiting for me? I kept going, the wind growing stronger, it willed me forward, desperate to find Hux and get out of the cold.

”Could I offer you my jacket?”

I turned around suddenly, my face lighting up, 

“Armitage!” I threw myself into his chest, burying into him. I had to make sure he was real,

”It’s alright darling, I’m here.” He petted my hair, voice soothing

He removed his jacket and put it around my shoulders, I sighed deeply, breathing in the scent. He was really here! I couldn’t stop looking at him, he looked exactly the same. All that had changed was our surroundings, but it was the same orange hair, the same smile, the same brilliant eyes. I froze.

”Armitage, we have to get put of here.”

”What do you mean?”

”It’s Ren, he’s here, he’s looking for you. We have to run.”

”Run away, why?”

”He’s got troopers, he’ll hurt you!”

”I’m not worried about that, are you safe?”

I nodded, 

“Yes, I-I’m fine.”

”You look dreadful, Miss L/N, what have you been up to?”

”Nothing, I’ve been sat in my room, waiting for you.”

He paused, looking down at me with such a remorseful expression, 

“My dear, let’s go.”

”Really?”

”Ren can wait, come on, quickly.”

We half-ran down the street, Hux leading the way. I followed, holding the jacket around me, my heart thumping. This felt surreal, escaping with him, it almost didn’t feel real at all. Canto Bight, glowing around us beautifully, Hux ahead, showing me the way. This was life, this was my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It may be dangerous, deadly and less-than-comfortable, but it was perfect for me.

Hux took me to a hotel, the one he had been staying at. He opened the door to his room and ushered me inside. It wasn’t overly glamorous, but this was Canto Bight so it was still luxurious. A large bed sat in the centre of the room, with a desk against the adjacent wall. Hux had clearly made himself at home, and he soon kicked off his shoes and sat down on the bed with a sigh,

”Miss L/N,” He breathed out, “You’re everything to me.”

I felt my throat tighten, I threw off his jacket and hugged him again. He pulled me into him until I physically couldn’t get any closer. This was perfect, like this, just us and nothing else. I could almost see the first time he had hugged me, in that storage closet. It felt so long ago, but it wasn’t really. 

“Armitage, what are we going to do?”

”You are going to shower, and then we’re going to sleep.”

”And after that?”

He shook his head,

”I don’t know, but you’re here.”

”Do you love me?” I asked, 

“Of course I do,”

”Kylo tried to convince me you didn’t, he said you ran away because you were scared.”

”I was scared, of you getting hurt.”

I felt the tears coming, welling with every second, 

“Please don’t leave me again, whatever happens... I can’t do this without you Armitage.”

”I had to keep you safe,”

”Please-” My words were cut of by a sob, I finally reached my limit, and the tears started to fall. Hux stood wordlessly, holding me close, using a single thumb to wipe away the droplets,

”I promise, I’ll never leave again.”

He kissed me, gently, and I could almost feel his heartbeat through his clothing. So close to me, we were connected. We were one.

”Go and shower, I have a feeling tomorrow will be a long day.”


	17. Fight or flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really starting to get serious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No spoilers everyone, but we are nearing the end of the story!! I know, I'm sad about it as well :( But if you want something else, (maybe another Hux story) all you have to do is leave a comment! :D enjoy xx
> 
> ALSO T/W FOR DEATH IN THIS CHAPTER. NO GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS BUT THERE IS DEATH SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

I woke up in the shared bed and rubbed my eyes. It wasn't a dream. I was on Canto Bight, Hux was laying next to me and we were together. It didn't feel like a nightmare, a nightmare would consist of not finding Hux, or having Ren get to him first, or have him say he doesn't love me or-

I was interrupted by Hux sighing, and I rolled over to look at him. He looked so _human_ his hair raggedy, his face relaxed, and in one hand he held a cigarette. He took a long drag and smiled at me,

  
"I didn't know you smoked."

"I don't in front of you, but yes."

"Why not in front of me? I don't mind you smoking,"

"Because it's bad for your health," He paused to take another drag, as if solidifying his point, 

"Then why do you smoke in the first place?"

"My health is not as important as yours, I would much rather I die than you."

He pulled me up and in, so I was snuggled against him, I frowned despite the warm feeling enveloping me,

"Don't say things like that, you won't die, not if I can help it."

"Oh I'm well aware of your strength," He rested his head on mine, "Can't you smell the smoke on me anyway?"

"Sometimes I could," You thought back on it, the moments where the scent would catch in your lungs, toxic enough to be noticeable but nowhere near repulsive, "I just thought that was you."

He chuckled, leaning over to put out the cigarette in the ashtray. I didn't want to move, but something inside of me was all too aware of our situation. We were deserters, Kylo Ren would be murderous, and with each moment we wasted he was getting closer to finding us.

"What do we do now?" I asked, 

"Now?"

"Do we run? Hide? turn ourselves in? Kylo Ren will kill you- kill us- if we aren't careful." 

"Right now, I want to enjoy my time with you. I haven't seen you in what feels like an eternity, Kylo Ren doesn't matter right now,"

As much as I wanted to believe him, I knew better.

"Armitage, you know how powerful he is. We have to be careful."

"I know, I know. But I want you to know that he won't harm you while I'm here. Let me take you out, just for the day."

I agreed, but somewhat reluctantly. Hux was far too confident, but I knew that he wouldn't be without good reason. If he thought we were in danger, he would be panicked, but he wasn't. I trusted his judgement.

Hux took me from the hotel to a restaurant for breakfast. Everything was so perfect, and luxurious and _expensive._ Hux had to be incredibly rich in order to enjoy this sort of life-style without even a second thought. If we had to hide away here for the rest of our lives, I would have no complaints. We sat down and ate while he told me of his adventures so far; he had seen the lot in the span of days, travelling and touring all the city had to offer. Gambling, drinking, watching races until the sun came up.   
  
Even while I ate, I marvelled at all that surrounded me. The people were so different to the staff on the ship, dressed in suits and donning jewellery worth more than I was. It was almost magical, basically mythical. So much money, so much fun. I could almost forget about our situation as Hux walked me down the streets, arm linked with mine. We were not associated with the First Order here, we were just some couple who had come to see all that Canto Bight had to offer. We didn't have to hide, didn't have to become different people when others were around. They didn't matter, the First Order didn't matter, Kylo Ren didn't matter. 

~~~~~~~~

Unfortunately, the enjoyment couldn't last forever. It was around midday when Hux and I were traversing yet another long street. We were laughing, I was holding onto him as if he were the only stable thing in the world and we were happy. I realised it wasn't the city that was magical, it was the company I had. Yesterday, Canto Bight was the most miserable, retched place in the galaxy, but with Hux it was different. He made me so happy, I was almost bursting, and we could have been anywhere at that moment. Even the most horrid places seem beautiful when you've got someone to visit them with. But I wasn't anywhere else, I was in Canto Bight, with him.

But somebody else was also in the same city.

We drank at the bar, almost forgetting it was still daytime as Hux insisted I tried some of the most expensive wine on the menu. I drank from the glass, never looking away from him and grinned. It tasted like any other wine I had ever drank, but what made it special was the fact he had bought it for me. I didn't even bat an eye when seven darkly-clad figures entered, too transfixed on Hux's lazy smile as he watched me drink.

"General Hux. Miss L/N."

The room fell silent, sensing the tension as somebody addressed us. I set down my glass, knowing instantly who that voice belonged too. Hux knew as well, and he was quick to stand, helping me up as well.

"Commander Ren."

"You'll come with me know, Hux. And bring your girlfriend with you."

He nodded, complicit with Kylo's commands. I looked up at him, fearful, but he didn't say anything. His eyes seemed to have already given up, glazed over as if accepting of what happens next.

Ren escorted us out of the bar and through the maze of the city. I knew where his ship was parked, in the central coutyard from which stemmed the whole of Canto Bight. Local authorities tried to question him, but were quickly silenced by his lightsaber. The ship was a stain on the city, we hadn't dared to pass it during our travels, instead taking the long way around just to avoid it. Hux followed on his own, but I was held tight by a trooper. I tried to worm my way out of their grasp, but they were too strong. I didn't have the heart to cry out, I was slowly becoming numb to my anxieties with each step we took.

We stood in the courtyard, Ren debating on what to do with us. Kill us now? Or save us for later? Maybe he would make the execution aboard the ship public as a threat. Nobody would dare desert if the General's head was impaled on a spike in the canteen. He paced back and forth, his ship waiting to transport us back, engine humming like some sort of ominous soundtrack. I saw Hux's paler than usual face and knew that he was scared, even if he was brave enough not to show it. I caught his eye and tried to give a reassuring smile, but all he could do was blink back at me. 

There had to be a way out, I thought, looking around in the hopes of seeing somebody or something that could assist us. Where were the Resistance when you needed them? They were oddly quiet lately, which I had taken for granted. I pulled away from the trooper who was still holding me and grunted. I felt like a caged animal, lost and afraid and desperate for freedom. The First Order were not the escape I wanted, they were holding me captive and for what? Because I loved? Because I refused to be belittled by a story and a creature in a mask? I felt the anger inside of me and pulled harder, finally breaking the troopers grip. They let go, shocked, and I reached for their blaster- hands automatically clasping around it.

I didn't have time to think. I was pointing a blaster at somebody's head, hands very noticeably shaking. Hux looked on with disbelief as Kylo was quick to ignite his blade. 

"ARMITAGE, RUN!" I yelled, switching between targets as I did so, not sure who I would shoot if I needed to.

He did, taking off like a frightened deer into the tangled mess of Canto Bight. He had learned the city well after such a short amount of time, I trusted he would be able to find safety somewhere. I was more worried about myself, and the way Kylo had commanded everyone to go after Hux, leaving us alone.

We stood face to face in the courtyard, his mask beginning to glint in the afternoon sun, my entire body screaming in terror as he spoke,

"This will not end the way you want it."  
  
  


I held the blaster steady, pointed at him, not knowing what to say in return.

"You think I will spare you because you're a good technician? Because you're in love?" He stalked closer, lightsaber burning red with his anger, "I do not take prisoners, Y/N."

"No, and neither do I." I lifted the blaster to be pointed at his head,

"Your General will be killed if my knights find him, then what would you do?"

"They won't find him."

"They will."

"They won't!" I fired a warning shot just beside him, hitting a wall. Kylo hummed.

"You have no idea how capable I am, and how incapable you are."

"Your lightsaber doesn't make you capable," Another warning shot, closer this time.

"Enough!" Ren yelled, and in a moment the blaster was pulled from my hands and planted in the palm of his, "What will you do now?"

He readied himself to strike me down, lifting his lightsaber above his head, closing the distance between us.

"Sir!" A trooper interrupted him, running over, "We've got him, Sir!"

"Very good, I'll be there shortly."

The blade stopped glowing, but I didn't even notice. I felt my entire body convulse with the feeling of my hear shattering. They 'got him'? They actually killed him? Just like that? Without me being there? No last goodbye? No telling him how much I loved him? Nothing? I fell to my knees, sobbing like I had so many times before over him. But this time it was different. He would not be there to collect me into his arms and make me feel safe. He wouldn't make things right again- he couldn't. It was over. 

He was dead.

I cried out, my body shaking with such strong sadness. Gone, like that, and he had died alone. Alone and afraid, without me, and I without him. I had died too, really, I was breaking apart in such a painful way and I couldn't cope. I looked up at Kylo Ren and spat at him, hoping to show him at least a fraction if my hatred.

"Girl, I told you what would happen. This is your fault."

"No! You killed him! You drove him here! YOU!"

"You're lying to yourself."

"I don't care what you think! Don't you understand anything? I loved him! He was mine and _you_ ruined it!" I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, I couldn't even look at him. I felt sick.

"Get up. I will do you one last mercy and spare you, but you will not return to the ship." He turned away from me, "Now go, before I change my mind."

I got to my feet, my head spinning and my stomach lurching. Every part of me was in pain as I slowly walked away. Back into the city that Hux and I had been laughing in just minutes before...


End file.
